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| "Her Memories" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: im_inuyashas_dirty_little_secret [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2008 08:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
oh and don't listen to sailor kagome ,your story is great :D
| Reviewed By: im_inuyashas_dirty_little_secret [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2008 08:30 CDT
Comment/Review:
omfg please update soon i really like it but its so sadddddd but i still love it! the first thought i said when i read the summery was "COOOOL."
| Reviewed By: Sailor Kagome On: April 04, 2008 16:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well,the main idea of your' story seems original,yet I was disappointed to see that you have taken the "dog episode" from Elfen Lied,(if I recall correctly ,Lucy's dog was killed in the same way).You should also work more on your' english and pay more attention to your' writing.For example,there were several sentences where I wasn't able to understand what it was going on because you didn't make a correct accord between the subject and the predicate ("I Was Her Parents ",I think what you meant to say was "I was her parent").Also,the fact that you use capital letters inside the sentence is very annoying for someone who actually tries to read what you had wrote.And you need to use more comas and other punctuation signs: "Suddenly The Men Stopped Outside A Big Door Miku Motioned For Them All To Go In As Soon As They Where All In The Doors Slammed Shut Behind Them." . No offense,but,blindly putting it,I didn't understand a thing. Moreover,your' story lacks any kind of description.You could emphasize more on Kagome's feelings of sadness,pain anger and despair. Don't get me wrong,I'm not trying to discourage you,all I'm saying is that you should work a little more on your' writing stile,maybe a bit on your' grammar but definitely a lot more on the PUNCTUATION section.And remember: never use capital letters inside a sentence unless your' writing someone's name.And more important: don't copy someone else's work,develop only your' own ideas.Well I hope you won't hate me or bare a grudge against me,I'm here to help.Good luck and keep up the good work!
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