"An Unexpected Moving" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Title: hetaerist Reviewed By: MisfitBride [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2008 04:31 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10 Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review: Don't listen to any of them! Keep going into detail about trivial things and leave important details open ended. Paragraphs Shmaragraphs, you're a wonderful writer who'll do very well in life. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about how Kagome was a natural beauty who needed "verily any make up", well except for eyeshadow... and mascara... oh and eye liner.... well and lip gloss! But dammit! She's got a good complexion people! You should be jealous she only has to wear glitter like a hetaerist! ^_^ i found writing this flame thoroughly enjoyable, thank you!
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Reviewed By: Inuyashalover161 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 15, 2008 23:20 CDT Comment/Review: just to let you know i have never been good with paragraphs or english for that matter so im sorry if you think my story is boring if you think you can do a better job at fixing feel free too \
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Title: not a flame` Reviewed By: aj On: May 15, 2008 18:45 CDT Comment/Review: Dont take this as a flame but yah along with what everyone else said paragraphs would make it extremly easier to read and less description on non-important part would make it seem less like your just listing things, which can make it boring. But otherwise great plot. i'm kinda in the same situation myself.
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Title: One question... Reviewed By: Sailor Draca [MediaMiner Member] On: May 15, 2008 13:05 CDT Comment/Review: Would it kill you to write in paragraphs??!! I can't even get past the second chapter! Also try not to use "She" or "He" so much. You can refer to them by their names...Not a flame, hopefully advice, Draca
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Title: Thanks but no thanks Reviewed By: Inuyashalover161 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 12, 2008 01:37 CDT Comment/Review: thank you for your honest opinions on my story im current;y fixing it so if you have any other suggestion don't be afraid to state your opinions on the story Inuyashalover161 also im looking for a beta reader so if your interested please send me an email at skater_ghirl15_sk@hotmail.com thank you
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Reviewed By: loretta537 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 11, 2008 03:29 CDT Comment/Review: this is a pretty good story although it's very hard to read. also having several sentances about kagome taking a shower, washing her hair, putting on makeup, ect is unnecessary.
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Reviewed By: froggi [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2008 21:39 CDT Comment/Review: It really threw me off that it was just a big block of text. Lots of spelling and grammatical errors also. If you fix all that, I'm sure that you'll get a lot more views.
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Reviewed By: RadioActiveRedhead [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2008 04:45 CDT Comment/Review: This is not a flame: Although your fanfic has a good idea to it, it is very hard to read. There is no paragraphing and little to no spell checking. You also need to recheck your grammar in areas. I will point out that what first turned me off about your fanfic is that some words (Sophomore NOT Softmore) were spelled incorrectly first off. I'm sure that if you fixed this fanfic up a little your views would go up and you'd get way more reviews. :)
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