Reviewed By: Hisaki [MediaMiner Member] On: June 24, 2009 01:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was okay. The thing that bothered me though was that you kept on referring to them by their names. "Kyo did this, then Touru did that. Touru then did this, while Kyo did that. Kyo, Touru; Touru,Kyo". If they're the only two people in the room, you don't have to keep doing that. A few more "him/he" and "her/she" would have done fine. Perhaps use a descriptive term for the characters that we would recognize, like "The innocent girl then did...", or "the orange haired boy/teen", whatever. A little bit more description in that sense would have been nice. Overall, you are a decent writer - I got bored with it, though. I'm not writing this to be a bitch; please, just consider it constructive criticism. =)
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