Title: Twitchy McTwitch-Twitch
Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 26, 2008 04:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
Uh... perhaps you should stay away from man-eating loufas and Spleens with an opposable thumb. I got caught by the title, and was cast down by the non-sensity of it (not a word, I know). You mentioned Adamantium... are you referencing D&D or Marvel? If neither, then stop coating Colin in Crisco. And maybe lay off Fluffing your Garfield (means absolutely nothing, but makes your brain melt). No matter. I respect it... as a first draft. As for it being a finished project, well... I have yet to insult you. I am guessing you don't have anyone to review and critique your story before uploading it, do you? While my own attempt at a story wasn't that good, I at least had my worthless bum of a minion/henchman read it prior to uploading each chapter. Still... you did better than some, but you should probably include in the title and description that this is a prototype for the true story. The author of Kyuubi's Gift decided that for his story, and KrakensGhost did the same thing with Foxhound (though he discontinued it, the big meanie). Don't feel bad if people deride your work. There were people that said that Shakespeare's work was just a pile of shite... despite there own works being stupid and shitty. And yes, I said 'shite'. Take peoples' reviews and see where you can improve. I personnaly don't think Sasuke or Sakura should be told about Naruto-kun's past or nature. And the brother part (cringes) I shy away from OCs relations, except for children. Actually, of the different versions of Naruto I have personnaly created (don't get your hopes up about seeing more than the two from my own story), only four have relationship setups like that, one with Hinata, one with Sasuke (don't actually like that pairing, oddly enough, and overused, but I don't use Sasuke otherwise), my fourth version is interested in settling down with a girl with unusual hair color (he got adopted by a blue haired fox girl created prior to 2000 and has two tails, based on some wierd thing I had with Sonic the Hedgehog), and the 5th version is married to a Seraphim that is the daughter of an immortal made of ultra strong metals from D&D. Bleh... Good luck, and ignore any fuckers that flame you. Or, if you don't want to ignore them, you could just eat their faces while evil squirrels climb inside their bowels. The Goliath's Commandment - Our name is Goliath, and we are Legion!
|
