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| "Ballad of the Future Warrior" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: MrKatu25 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 06, 2009 00:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow thats a pretty awesome story
| Title: disorganized genius
Reviewed By: aquila333 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 25, 2009 18:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
you have a very original start here. mirai trunks is one of my favorite characters. there are some things that could be brushed up on. the size of your paragraphs for one. long paragraphs like how you have in this fanfic work fine in a book, but they are harder to read on a computer screen. if you look up other fanfic's you can see what i mean. try spacing out the dialogue and the actions of the characters into separate paragraphs. also, your story is moving along to fast for the reader to get a good feel of what the characters are feeling. take your time in typing up the plot. no one was ever in fault of writing too much. brush up on the prologue and add more details. describe the enemy a little more (what they look like, how they first appeared, if they have a weakness, etc.). develop the characters of callig and zit. the reader doesn't get anything other than one is a tall black and the other is a average height white. what is there personality like? how did trunks meet them? what is their story from before they met trunks? finally, explain more on trunks. what is this darkness he was supposedly consumed by? why is he hiding from the rest of humanity? where did his son come from? there is no mention of who the mother is. he appears to materialize from thin air and gain a technologically advanced sword that trunks pulls out of nowhere.
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