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| "Ride On!" Reviews/Comments [ 14 ] | Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: May 19, 2010 19:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
a fool he may be, but vehement denial has always been his strength. LOL ♥ it's a wonder sesshoumaru is even suggesting such a thing to his brother --probably thinking inuyasha definitely should have grabbed the girl and humped her leg... ټ
| Reviewed By: Amaranthe [MediaMiner Member] On: July 27, 2009 03:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved this!! Finally a non-cliché plot! I loved it, just by reading those few chapters I'm hooked. Great job, seriously. You mad my day :) I wonder what will happen or how it will happen between the two haha! lovss,, A.M*
| Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: July 26, 2009 17:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
'inu' sounds like a nickname for a bellybutton-- even though you haven't used it here, it still grates on my nerves. if someone is going to nitpick an author- at least they shouldn't expose their own shortcomings by calling the main character a bellybutton!! -♠- oh, that was funny-- what did sesshoumaru suggesting that he should have just snatched her up in her towel and run off to the nearest unoccupied room and have his way with her-- or should he have just humped her leg?! *chuckles* i could just see the girl's father's face... LOL ♣ watch the 'inu' video and sing the 'inu' song~ youtube.com/watch?v=UxDJRTWF4XA ~love ya! ginny ♥
| Reviewed By: ardy1 On: June 05, 2009 17:01 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm not easily won over, hence the "imperfect" rating on this story so far. I found the jump in time sequence abrupt - it makes sense to do it, but I think to start the chapter that way was just enough confusing to be annoying. You could have alleviated that by either choosing an italicized font to clue your reader in or by providing an introductory paragraph - I'd have gone with the font change, but you're the author and, of course, the final arbiter. I'm just trying to be constructive about "squicks" I noted. I'm guessing you have some knowledge of this very specialized world you're positing. I have friends who do English show riding, and as a kid I rode a quarter-horse western-style for cattle herding (long, long ago) and enjoyed rodeos. It won't pay to delve too deeply (watch out for the eyes-glazing-over-factor - I've gone overboard in my own stories) but you need to be factually enough accurate so as not to offend knowledgable readers (I get way bent out of shape when kids try to write about lawyers' professional lives, for example. Talk about a mine-field of specialized knowledge!) Why would Sesshomouru be in a subservient position of working for or answering to anyone? I hope you visit that squick with a good explanation, though I don't feel one is needed right away. I have no qualms about Miroku's ego. He should be self-aware, and that includes awareness of his own charms. If you're keeping the supernatural aspects in this AU, don't forget to retain to him his own spiritual gifts, physical aptitudes (Inuyasha acknowledged him as no ordinary monk before he was aware of the kazaana, and he is often seen running, in sprints anyway, at a speed able to keep pace with Inuyasha) and of course smooth-talking intelligence. Not sure how you're planning on fitting him in as a horse barn-worker, but I'm all about letting characters unfold with a story. You've already hinted at Sango. I've seen many writers make Kagome physically gifted as well as spiritually, and I hope you aren't planning on going that route. Sango's athleticism is what sets her apart, aside from her capacity for suffering and family loyalty. Aside from making Kagome, well, TOO perfect, I think it diminishes Sango to the point of irrelevance to make Kagome also gifted in that aspect. In canon, Kagome's spiritual powers exceed Miroku's, but he is several degrees smarter and a much better fighter, so he remains important. Sango's gifts are too easily overshadowed, from a narrative perspective of additional value, if she can't bring something unique to the table. This is a flaw I've seen too often in fanfic, and one I hope you'll avoid here. Given Inu's already-admitted attachment to Kagome, I'm assuming you will be largely omitting Kikyou from this story, and I've no objections there. In AUs, we only have to deal with what we want to. I'm looking forward to your explanation as to the whole immigration to the US - aside, of course, from a more than reasonable desire to shift things to a more familiar venue. This universe opens a whole new arena (did you catch the pun?)of fun for these characters to play in. I can't wait to see what you do with it!
| Reviewed By: arizonasiren [MediaMiner Member] On: May 27, 2009 01:37 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Love it. Can't wait for the next update.
| Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2009 08:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
i love sparks! you've given them some really powerful friction there. one wonders when everything will suddenly spontaneously combust! ♥ delighted, ginny
| Reviewed By: Ichigohime [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2009 22:02 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Lol. Good to see how they first met! Kinda funny actually. Although I had to do a double take after finding out this all originated in Michigan. That's where I'm from. Out of all the US states, I never imagined it taking place in Michigan. XD I've never read a fic that took place in my home state so it was odd but nice for me. Yeah, random, I know. But I liked it. XD I look forward to your next update!
| Reviewed By: Phalon (nsi) On: May 07, 2009 05:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
I don't think Yasha ever wants to need Kagome. I like this AU version of the tale. :) Though, I have to wonder how it might make them get together eventually. I'm even curious about what Kagome's POV would have been during that day.
| Reviewed By: Caitriona695 On: May 04, 2009 21:45 CDT
Comment/Review:
This first chapter is a nice change of pace. You've packed a whole lot in a little bit and I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
| Reviewed By: Ichigohime [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2009 23:04 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow. I love it! What an awesome first installment! I am really looking forward to reading more as it progresses! I always love the way your portray Inuyasha's and Kagome's characters. I can't really explain it. They just clash well together, if that makes sense at all. XD I haven't read anything like this so far, and I can already tell I'm going to enjoy reading it!
| Reviewed By: angel-up-above-heaven [MediaMiner Member] On: May 02, 2009 22:54 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
*squeals* i completely love it!!!!!
| Reviewed By: Moonlit Showers [MediaMiner Member] On: May 02, 2009 03:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
aww Inuyasha is really cute. And this story seems really unique so far, I can't wait to see where you're going with it! Keep up the awesome work! ^_^
| Reviewed By: Lunabell [MediaMiner Member] On: May 02, 2009 00:36 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with kokronagomu! This sounds like It'll be pretty good!
| Reviewed By: kokoronagomu [MediaMiner Member] On: May 01, 2009 21:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
i like it! poor yasha, the battle to keep his feelings hidden and it seemed as if she shares the same feelings for him. great intro, i will be in eager anticipation of more! ♥
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