|
| "The Mother Who Couldn't Be" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: aavtarr On: September 12, 2010 23:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is soo good! I almost started crying! i wish this was part of the real avatar story!!! Love itt!! (:
| Reviewed By: Atheria [MediaMiner Member] On: May 19, 2009 21:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your spelling and grammar aren't perfect, but this is something easily fixed. I found this story to be very enjoyable to read and extremely creative. The only concern I have is over the style of your writing. You tend to have short fragmented sentences. However, I am not entirely sure this is because it is part of your writing style, or because of the person who was supposed to be writing it. If it's the latter than it's just fine disregard what comes next. If it's the former, then you need to work on making complete thoughts and not cutting what would be a sentence of average length short. Luckily, this is easier to fix than run-ons, just don't add so many periods. As for the rest of the story, try to be a little more descriptive about the surroundings. You don't have to go over board, just add a little more description to your work. I know your character was mostly relating an experience that has already happened, but maybe some more description of the air temples or of herself and the other nuns, especially mother superior, would have been nice In a story like this however, too much would have detracted from the nice raw emotion found here, so the key is balance. All in all, just fix the grammar and spelling issues and the fragment mistakes. The rest can be left up to you. Message me if you have any questions, Atheria
| Reviewed By: rushie [MediaMiner Member] On: May 11, 2009 12:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like the plot of your story but as far as your story, it lacks punctuation and if you are writing from a first person perspective, you need to elaborate on the character's feelings or emotions about the situation. For example when you mentioned about Aang being taking away from his mother, you could have used some sort of maternal instinct (grief, sadness or despair). check out my story A Beautiful Lie and review!!!
|
|
|
