Reviewed By: Silver-Thorned Rose [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2009 01:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
You did a really good job on your fanfic. You beautifully pieced together and displayed only the important parts of the story, letting the insignificant details and backstory either come slowly to the front or help turn the bigger cogwheels, so to speak. Proving the lack of respect the village had for Naruto by using only a few select interactions with his comrades, the opportunity of a lifetime for someone like him to prove himself, his motivation and finally, how everything-including the very ambition that got him to where he was when the fanfic 1st began-turned against him and made him his own worst enemy-- That was great! I've seen a lot of Naruto fanfics that use the same setup, but in all honesty, after having read all of *those* types, it made me weary of reading all others of the same type-until I read yours. Everything up until the turning point *only* served to bring it to that point, and there was no painful, long and overdrawn-out melodrama preceding that turning point that made you want to commit suicide *with* Naruto. (Sorry, it's just I've read my share of those too and I came here because I like fanfiction, not *suicide*. That's all.) My concern was that the fanfic-especially the intro-doesn't feel as "fleshed out" to me as I guess it should have since the fanfic is in fact, sparse, on details as I've said before. The fanfic didn't delve into *any* defining characteristic of either the village, Naruto's comrades (physically or otherwise), only that both parties hated Naruto. Also, the fanfic didn't go into defining characteristic of *Naruto* himself, the protagonist and moving force of the fanfic, such as any deep inner thoughts Naruto may have had while sobbing his heart out next to a tree after seeing Sakura and Shikamaru kiss; I'm pretty sure our hero must've had a thought or two, especially after all the hell he's been through. Also, the transitions/paragraph breaks/etc. occurred in awkward places that made the overall flow feel a little too choppy and summarized at times. You have something real good going with this fanfic, it just needs details in all the right places to fill it out a little and accentuate all the fine points it already has, a little more explanation about the backstory/smaller cogwheel's role in the fanfic if you get my drift about what I mentioned earlier about the cogwheels. Good luck, and I hope you update your fanfic soon!
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