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| "Dance of the Fireflies" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: J Luc Pitard [MediaMiner Member] On: August 13, 2010 21:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
Really liked this view of a first time. You achieve a sense of realism, often at the expense of your heroes. I really enjoy your writing style and your choices in romantic realism.
| Reviewed By: little_white_kitsune [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2009 23:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Splendent pretty much took all my opinions/thoughts, so yeah... I agree with her. xD Poor Inuyasha... with his "limp" problem, ha ha.
| Reviewed By: SplendentGoddess [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2009 20:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hmmm...the lemon scene seemed lacking in detail to me, considering it was your intention that it be the main focus of the story. I loved the firefly idea, though; don't think I've seen that one done before. The two things that really confused me were mention of her father and her elaborate kimono. Now, the kimono can easily be excused if they were attending somebody's wedding in the village. She simply dressed up for the occasion. But what's all this business about having to hide their feelings from her father and her father not liking him? At first I thought that was a typo and you meant her grandfather, but after I read the bit about them having to hide their feelings from him I found myself wondering, is this an AU? Nothing wrong with it being an AU, if it is one, but your readers shouldn't be left wondering on something that important. You did say that originally this was going to be a longer story, so it's possible that when you edited it down, you overlooked details that made sense to you, because you were familiar with the original background information. I don't really mean to sound like I'm criticizing your story too harshly, because really, I'm not. Your details were well-described (until you got to the lemon), and your writing style and grammar were far better than some stories I have stumbled upon in my time. But you were the one who asked for honest opinions, whatever they may be. I can hardly pass judgment on how "realistic" it is for them to go from him barely proposing to having sex all in the span of five minutes, Kami knows how many one-shots I've written like that, so the only advice I think I can really give you is to just clear up that whole "father" bit (since in the canon she does not have a father), and maybe spruce up the lemon a little...or a lot...depending on your personal inhibitions, or lack there of. But it's clear you know how to write, so I'm encouraging you to keep doing just that.
| Reviewed By: mangamad On: May 29, 2009 03:56 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved this fic, short and sweet and more realistic then most i've read! The way you wrotethis was brilliant and event though its their first time, you don't foucs too much on Kagome's pain (something that I can't stand)!
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