| "Ai Youji" Reviews/Comments [ 11 ] |
Reviewed By: VegoSacomoto [MediaMiner Member] On: January 27, 2010 10:40 CST
Comment/Review:
I enjoyed it. it was nice for Duo to spend some alown time with Heero even if was for a second.
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Reviewed By: VegoSacomoto [MediaMiner Member] On: January 26, 2010 12:03 CST
Comment/Review:
thank you for trying to mack the chapters longer. and if u stress over the story the harder it will to right. go back and reread what you have wrote and see if it helps.
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Reviewed By: VegoSacomoto [MediaMiner Member] On: January 25, 2010 14:04 CST
Comment/Review:
Lol he fainted. i wish you would make the chapters longer the shortness is killing me. but the story is still good. keep it going.
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Reviewed By: Ryeka [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2009 17:39 CST
Comment/Review:
i like this :o i hope theres more to come er im bad with reviews haha...
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Reviewed By: jamc79 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 21, 2009 11:14 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is different from others that include mpreg...I like it. Keep up the good work, I can't wait for the next chapter. : )
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Reviewed By: c+w On: October 19, 2009 02:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
You're doing great!...I just really need some closure now!!! What will Heero do when he finds out? Will he find out?! *GASP* I can't take it much longer! Please post!
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Reviewed By: YojiKato [MediaMiner Member] On: October 12, 2009 22:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ack....... that didn't work very well. I didn't realize it wouldn't do my formatting as I'd done it. Anyhoo, just try and keep dialogue and the speaker's actions in the same paragraph. That's my suggestion. Make new paragraphs for new speakers. Does that make sense?
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Reviewed By: YojiKato [MediaMiner Member] On: October 12, 2009 22:55 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay, I do like this fic and the premise, but I do have a suggestion: keep the speaker's comments and actions in the same paragraph. Example:"Could you.. I dunno... spend the night?" Quatre smiled reassuringly. "Of course Duo." Duo smiled brightly as they got out of the car. "Thanks." should be: "Could you... I dunno... spend the night?" Quatre smiled reassuringly. "Of course, Duo." Duo smiled brightly as they got out of the car. "Thanks." Paragraphing is very important. Keep the actions and dialogues with the characters doing them. Much less confusing that way. I really like this story and hope you continue. I hope I haven't offended. I'm kind of a stickler for grammar, and it's somewhat my selling point. But I do LOVE this fic, so I hope you keep working on it.
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Reviewed By: Kix [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2009 20:38 CDT
Comment/Review:
definitely adding this one to my favs! looking like an good story
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Title: too fast
Reviewed By: cap'n crunch On: September 30, 2009 08:55 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think your rushing it a bit. not enough reflexion on the events unfloding. Duo and Sally seem very accepting and not very bothered about it. problem is, i cant help but compare this to 'Chimera' and 'Family ties'. but that author is very experienced. This seems more of a rough draft of those fics rather than an original fic especially since the chapters are so short. I'm really sorry if this seems harsh, but I actually think your on the right track to being a great fic writer! i will keep reading most definitely! good luck
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Reviewed By: VegoSacomoto [MediaMiner Member] On: September 27, 2009 11:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
Love The story so far. Its really good. Feel bad for Duo. Who was the other guy? the 16 year old who was he? Can you do me a faver and mack your chapter longer. thank you. update soon.
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