|
| "The Other Side" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: Happy V-day!
Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: February 15, 2010 21:54 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
All right! Setup, yaay! You know, in a way Guy is in a simular boat that Riki was in, in the original series lol! oh the irony :p I liked this chapter, it flowed a bit better than the last one and I'm glad you updated! I was afraid that I may have offended you for a bit there ^^; it's really hard to convey tone in typing, and as such it can be easily misinterpreted :/ I do hope the advise does and will help in the future, but if not then there's always an alternative. Reference material! >:D I dug up the link to one of my old Ai no Kusabi fanfictions that I used to read. She/he hasen't updated in a while that I know of, but its been so long that I'll have to reread the fic, but I remember most of it which is a feat in and of itself considering how much fiction I go through a day looking for something decent ^^; The fic is AU much like yours with the extra challange of Origional charaters being the main focus. Normally I would not read such fiction as I think of most of it as the Mary Sue type, so it really surprized me! And it may help with those akward scenes where you'd have no idea what the hell a chacter would say in such a situation lol. The main characters are involed in this, and Iason and Riki are together as a pair I assure you, or else I probibly never would have read the blasted thing *giggle* If nothing else I do hope you enjoy it and gain some inspiration off it if you havent already read it. Let's consider it a valentines day gift! Here's to good fiction!!! XD I can't wait to see what's next! ~Passing Reader--- http://anime.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544209732
| Title: Needs fabric softener...
Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: February 05, 2010 18:16 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
While I still enjoyed reading this chapter it did feel a little stiff. I think it was the dialogue, which I know is hard to keep up when your trying to keep a character in character in a very un-character situaltion lol. A few of the sentances felt a little forced in the scenes where Riki and Iason are getting a room and Guys interrogation. I think my best advise would be to perhaps give the characters some distraction when you can't quite figure out what they would say,something to focus on such as emotional examination or something randomly ridiculous like "hey, he's pretty!" lol, perhapes even their surroundings... I'm trying to give constructive criticism which will hopefully help ^^; Sorry if this reviews a mess, I just got hit with some family issues. I'm glad I could make you laugh and look forward to the next chapter, till then!Passing Reader
| Title: By the way...
Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: January 30, 2010 00:09 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
By the way, Here's one more review to make it even, ***** Five star material ;p Hopefully that'll entice a few eyes to take a peek ne? ~Passing Reader
| Title: *insert excitment* XD
Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: January 30, 2010 00:06 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Let's see where to start? This line here ->"He never imagined the morons would use explosives to smoke the Mongrels out."-Raoul made me laugh hysterically! I could just see Iason being blown to pieces and Raoul's hissy-fit after lol. Then there's this one; "Raoul intended to use every devise at his disposal to get all of the information that he possibly could from the creature. He would know for certain if the Mongrel spoke the truth, even if he had to use the devises in his lab..." Yeaaah, up till the end of THAT sentence I had been thinking naughty thoughts lol! Can you blame me? :3 I'm so glad you updated, Mediaminers been dead for a couple months now, heck most sites that aren't don't have *quality* writing anyway, so you'll have to excuse my often overbearing excitement ;p I do tend to get carried away. I loved this chapter, things are starting to get interesting and I really wanna see what's gonna happen next, (All I know is that it involves a hotel and devices *smirk*) j/k I'm sorry, I'll quit with the innuendoes *it was just too easy ;p* Please continue, the hook you caught me with is really starting to sting ~Passing Reader
| Title: No Reviews WTF!?!
Reviewed By: Passing Reader On: January 18, 2010 23:30 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I find that this story has a lot of potential. Iason is well portrayed and I find that I want him to be a Jupiter traitor too, for Riki's sake :p This is very well written and deserves more feed back. It really burns my bum to see authors who barley put any effort into their stories (pwps) and yet they still manage to get more reviews than the authors who take the time to study the characters and develop these amazing plots. Please continue this fic, I would really like to see where it goes! ~Passing Reader
|
|
|
