Title: Professional Review
Reviewed By: Kamichin On: February 10, 2010 17:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Style of writing: 6/10 Your style of writing is acceptable, however, try to keep paragraphs within 3-5 lines each. The reason for this, is that most readers won't stick around to read a large clump of text all at once. It is a psychological turn-off. Additionally, I have no idea where you are. Try to describe the surroundings. Where are the characters? Are they in a house? Whats in the house? If there is a bed, say so. If there is a nice breeze coming in the window, make sure to note it! I also find that you're advancing the plot fairly quickly. Remember, dialogue and character development isn't a bad thing! Try to slow things a bit. Spelling & Grammar: 9/10 I find that your spelling is overall very good, but your grammar needs a bit of work. Remember that you only need to use one or three periods in a row at any time... Not two or four or more. Originality/Creativity: 3/10 I find that the plot-line isn't very original. It reminds me of a Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty kind of fairy tale, with the patented 'Happily Ever After' finish. But, that is only so far. Only reading more will I be able to give better critique on this. Enjoyment Factor: 6/10 Its a lot better than some of the things I have seen on-line. Things that have emoticons such as 'XD' and 'lol' are annoying and irritate me greatly. I am glad that your story is not like them. Also, the fact that you have no summary other than (Is my first fic) is both a turn-off and an enticement. Some people will open it and read it to see what its about, and others will turn up their noses and ignore it. For reference, a summary should contain the following: A reference to the main plot, without any spoilers. Like the back of a book, when you're at the bookstore or the library. Its a peek into the story, but you aren't finding out a lot. A mysterious plot twist. 'But something is amiss...' is a good example. It tells the reader that there is going to be something happening, but doesn't tell them what. And finally, the pairing. If your story is a romantic one, you should put the pairing as follows. Examples: Inuyasha/Kagome, Miroku/Sango (just replace the names with your characters that are involved romantically.) Example of a good summary: 'Kagome has been kidnapped by Naraku! Inuyasha and friends must journey to his castle and save her, but not all is as it seems... Inuyasha/Kagome, One sided Naraku/Kagome' Overall Rating: 7/10 I think you have a long way to go. Try to write more in the chapters, and put in a few cliffhangers to entice readers to return. Make sure to space everything up a bit, but do your best to avoid one liners when they aren't needed. You may find reading other stories a source of inspiration, as well as a good way to see some good formatting. I think you have potential, as long as you keep practicing and take the criticism and critique seriously and maturely and use it to improve and learn and write better. Other than that, for your very first fiction, it is a good attempt. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
