Reviewed By: C. Rose On: August 14, 2002 02:14 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
You are obviously a beginning writer, it really shows in this story. Using big words where they don't need to be and strange descriptions that don't make much sense. then there is all this back history that the reader has no clue of that you keep hinting at, but causing lots of over all confusion.
The biggest thing I noticed is that you need to do lots of expanding, there are parts here that you seem to understand, but the reader doesn't have a clue what's going on. You also need to work on your using the word 'and' instead of the '&' symbol.
The first chapter is tons better than the prologue, but still needs work. When describing colors please use the prime colors, white, black, green, etc...these amhearst and other mauve names are a little hard to follow and a mite confusing to the general reader. |
