| "Serena's New Found Love" Reviews/Comments [ 23 ] |
Title: MORE PLEASE
Reviewed By: GoddessOfTheMoon [MediaMiner Member] On: September 25, 2008 06:34 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh my god, this is the best story about Serenity and VEgeta i have ever read. there is another though i can not for the life of me remember the name, its about serena going to the dbz world and the senshi and Endymion are trying to kill her she also falls in love with Vegeta in that story too. Maybe you have heard of it?? Anyway, please write and post more i cant wait Serenity
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Reviewed By: dragoonvixenofshadows [MediaMiner Member] On: February 27, 2008 11:24 CST
Comment/Review:
please update it have been over a year...or did you give up compleatly.... Vixen
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Title: Serena's New Found Love
Reviewed By: Saekochan [MediaMiner Member] On: July 18, 2006 16:37 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Let me explain why most of the ratings were low there. Dont get me wrong, I like the story as a whole, but I need to tell you this so that you know what you're doing wrong and you can fix it, so you can be a better writer than you already are. Your spelling, such as 'stalk' instead of 'stork', 'mine as well' instead of 'might as well', and other mistakes that I'm not bothering to mention are why the spelling and grammar rating is so low. Secondly, you've got Rini talking like someone who is in their teen years when she's only 4, and asking 'Where do babies come from?' when she's 9. She should have asked that when she was 4 to begin with. Also, you've got the babies wearing clothes that they wouldn't be able to wear at a few months, and there are so many other things I'm not even going to bother mentioning about acting their age. You have Serena/Serenity, in the beginning, running like a coward from the whole attack thing when she would have used the crystal to help fight, even if it meant her own death. She cares so much about the Senshi, Endy, and Small Lady, always has, that she'd give up her lives for theirs, and you have her crying and letting everyone go out and fight without her. It would have been different if you'd changed the background of the story so that she wasnt Sailor Moon, that maybe she'd grown up differently, but you even have Vegita mention in one of the dinner scenes that 'You probably ran around in little skirts and said corny speeches', and she replied 'They werent corny.' This shows that yes, she was Sailor Moon, and yes, she did have some experience fighting - hell, the senshi always counted on Sailor Moon to finish off the bad guy. They knew she had ultimate power and encouraged her constantly to use it. On to another point I have to make. You mixed the Japanese and English names here. Serena in the Jap. version is Usagi, Rini is Chibi-Usa, Amara is Haruka (I still have no idea where they got that one...) and so on. You have a whole bunch of people out of character - Rei and Usagi argue waaayyyy too much for you to leave it out. Kami probably shouldnt be here, because by this point I do believe that he and Piccolo have merged -- I might be wrong, I havent watched DBZ in a while -- and turned into, as Goku comically pointed out in one of my favorite scenes - into 'Kamiccolo'. As I'm running out of space to review in, and my memory is losing the clarity of reading the story a few minutes ago, I'm going to stop here. If you need help look me up, email me, even yell at me for putting this here if you need to, I wont mind. I'll be happy to help you in any way I can, including beta-editing or just overall comments and suggestions on what you could do to be a better writer. You've got the potential, but you're suppressing it by not getting professional advice. If you're on Gaia (www.gaiaonline.com) look me up, my sn there is Saekochan.
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Reviewed By: SuperSanne [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2006 12:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
I'll read the rest of the story later, but it sounds pretty good so far. one slight flaw though: Serena has bloodtype AB you said, so why did they had to find a donor right away? Since she has AB, the doctors could've given her any type of blood.
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Reviewed By: Raining Blood Red Moon [MediaMiner Member] On: December 11, 2005 11:46 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is such a cool story i absolutely love it. i can't wait to find out what happens between cell and serena! is serena going to kill him or are you still going to have gohan do it? update soon
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Reviewed By: amanda5725 On: March 24, 2005 20:43 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
First of all, the characters you describe in this fanfic are from Gundam Wing,not DragonBallZ. If you're going to write a story, please get the characters right. Thank you.
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Reviewed By: silver unicorn [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2004 15:00 CST
Comment/Review:
I can't wait to see what happens next. you have a great story and I hope you update soon!!!! from silver unicorn ^-^
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Reviewed By: wresslelover [MediaMiner Member] On: November 10, 2004 11:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this was a good idea. you are a very creative writer. i hope i can write a fanfic this good sometime too.
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Title: Awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewed By: Angel Spirit [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2004 19:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Awesome story!!!!hurry and update!!!!!!!!!
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Reviewed By: sakuracheery2 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 17, 2004 10:54 CST
Comment/Review:
PLZ UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!!e-mail me when U update, PLZ. my e-mail is mariah@heritagespinning.com
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Reviewed By: MajinoujiVegeta On: July 16, 2003 05:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
umm well it would have been really interesting if you had brought Endymion back ya know for jealousy proposes and then had vegeta to like stalk him with very evil intentions in mind of course, yeah that would be cool or you could write another with those aspects or even turn it into a yaoi between Vegeta and Endymion. what do ya say. |
Reviewed By: moonlight's Angel On: March 23, 2003 16:51 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Please finsh this its good |
Reviewed By: Kan-lin On: February 18, 2003 17:59 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
so what happens next It was really nice when you truned Sarena andrini part saiyans I hope you have another chapter comming up soon cause I can't wait to read it.Its perfect so far so keep goin! |
Reviewed By: Lady On: January 18, 2003 21:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was realy good!! you are an exelent righter!! |
Reviewed By: Lil Nikky On: December 28, 2002 11:24 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's off the chain write more i beg of u |
Reviewed By: Baby Gurl On: December 25, 2002 20:39 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This Story is soooo good and i mean it write more please!!!! |
Reviewed By: Karlena On: November 26, 2002 00:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very interesting fanfic. Only suggestion I could give would be to put in more content. like more on thoughts, kinda or go into more detail on something like your first chapter it was kinda abrupt. But if you make each chapter longer than I gotta wait more for the next chapter!! sooo, love the story! |
Reviewed By: wickedprincessryoko [MediaMiner Member] On: November 20, 2002 00:35 CST
Comment/Review:
um i think you forgot to mention sailor jupiter...you said that all the other senshi were revived but not Makoto (i think her name is lita in the dubbed version...i honestly can't remember)...other than that it was okay...my only complaint is that it is a little bit too soon (and extremely ooc for vegeta) for them to fall in love...in your story they have only known eachother for a short period of time...for the most part relationships take time to develop...um, i guess this is getting a bit long so i hope that you continue your story. |
Reviewed By: Tanny On: November 16, 2002 23:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
aww...you've gotta write more. pleaseeeeee! *begs* i wanna know what happens. :( |
Reviewed By: trippinwithcats On: November 11, 2002 20:05 CST
Comment/Review:
poor vegeta. I like to see him suffer a little. |
Reviewed By: Vegeta's Mate On: October 17, 2002 13:09 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Iloved it I like Vegeta/Usagi pairings! I even write my own You can find um at Lady cosmos's fanfiction crossover site! Write more please!
Ja NE! ^_~ |
Reviewed By: Tanny On: October 15, 2002 13:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
good story. please write more soon. :) |
Reviewed By: Sk8MEDAL On: October 01, 2002 21:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really really like your story. I think you are very creative . Please keep on going |
