| "The Story of Bulma and Vegeta" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] |
Title: kinda fast
Reviewed By: randomdbzfan On: July 31, 2005 00:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a really fast paced story, i loved the ideas in it but everything went by so fast, nothing was more then a page and it left you confused on how he knew she was pregnant and stuff...
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Reviewed By: Avarion On: November 09, 2003 16:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm... There are hundreds of Vegeta/Bulma get-together fanfics, and only a tiny minority actually sustain an ounce of originality. Unfortunately, this one isn't part of the minority. Your chapters are very short and there's a great absence of detail. You should try to explore the personalities and the emotions of the characters you choose to work with, rather than simply using their names and adapting the usual run-of-the-mill scenarios and sayings. Another thing: your grammar. You're frequently switching between tenses when you should stick to one. This fanfic is obviously based in the past, but there are a lot of occurrences where you switch to the present and future. Mistakes like these can prevent a reader from properly enjoying a piece of writing, so its better to get into the habit of keeping your tenses strict. The entire fanfic seems very rushed. The first lemon scene, for example, was so short! You had a golden opportunity to really explore the characters in depth, describe the rhythm of the bodies and the emotions involved. I'm not flaming the fic at all, I think it has a lot of potential. But until you begin to relate to the characters and write in a style where a reader can literally feel what's going on, I'm afraid that your work will seem quite bland.
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Reviewed By: Louise On: August 01, 2003 18:55 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Potentially, this fanfic is quite good, but I definitely think it was way too short and rushed. For instance, you kept on changing the tense you were writing in, and also, you could have added much more description to show the characters' feelings, their inner thoughts, their fears and so on. You could have definitely made the walk-in-the-park chapters much longer by building it up with anticipation, and the lemon chapter very heated with a lot of writing dedicated to the emotions between Vegeta and Bulma. Don't get me wrong, this is a good fic, but it could be improved to be a great fanfic.
^_^ |
Reviewed By: Bebi On: July 10, 2003 19:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Now that's what I call a lemon girl! That story really rocked and I bet Vegeta would be surprised if he was real. You have my respect. |
Reviewed By: Bulma On: May 26, 2003 09:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ohhh! I love it when people write abot me and Vegeta, even though he could care less! Well, this little fic was cute, except when i had Trunks, I was screaming my head off, and crushing Vegeta's hand (in which he did not enjoy!) ^.^
Another thing, Vegeta would never take me to a park and kiss me in a public place, even if there was no people there! When I broke up w/ Yamcha (the asshole!)my little Vegeta came to me at night to comfort me. awww, love him. Speaking of Vegeta, I need to got find him! Bye! |
Reviewed By: VampireGoddess [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2003 23:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
*pulls out a tissue and eyes drops* awwwww! that was too cute! *puts eyes drops in eyes and dabs with a tissue* see!? it made me "cry". yah know that is the bestest way to know you've fallen in luv .....at the park...you just know! but i'ma end up alone anywayz so it doesn't count fer me! lol great fic i simply luved it...new chapter..please? i really want to know what happens!^_^ |
Reviewed By: Gothic Prince Vejita [MediaMiner Member] On: January 16, 2003 17:38 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very sweet and romantic, one of the best V/B stories I've ever read. can't wait to see how it ends. |
Reviewed By: w@// 0f i//u$i0N On: November 27, 2002 20:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
ohhhh! thats sooo good! pleez continue... iwant to know wat happens next! ^_^ |
Reviewed By: ashley On: November 26, 2002 23:35 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
short and to the point good show |
Reviewed By: pyro_gal4U [MediaMiner Member] On: September 21, 2002 21:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is a really sweet story and pretty enjoyable to read! ^_^ |
Reviewed By: Goat On: September 14, 2002 14:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Please write another chapter quickly. |
Reviewed By: Sinu-yasha On: March 16, 2003 11:30 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
slight out of characterness and the chapters were too short. its a good fic and it kept my interest but its needs more details. |
Reviewed By: astrogirl_msip [MediaMiner Member] On: March 16, 2003 09:39 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
it was ok I liked it and all but you should be more descrptive, like when Bulma give brith add in her yelling in pain and breaking Vegetas hand or something., all in all it was cute but thats it |
