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| "Anywhere But You" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: crazyraditzlover On: October 13, 2002 22:32 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
good fic...i like it | Reviewed By: manga, the Awesome One in pigtails [MediaMiner Member] On: October 04, 2002 05:56 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Critique notes:
There's a bit in the narrative where you say "Excuse me. HAD loved." The "excuse me" breaks the fourth wall and doesn't make sense since you seem to be staying in Bulma's POV. I suggest you try "Correction" instead. :)
Some things are a little confusing, like Bulma going to the mall for pre-date shopping and then coming back from the date without apparently having come home. Didn't she plan to change into nicer clothes for her date?
Also, Vegeta voluntarily helping the cat is a little OOC, though his comment "Are you just going to stare at it?" is good.
Other than that, everything looks fine! Everybody's IC and I really like the way you've handled this, both the story and the non-lemon issue.
I fully applaud your decision not to use Japanese. Just because the characters originally spoke Japanese is no reason for them to speak some kind of pidgin Japanese/English mix.
Good decision on the "woman" issue too. From what I can tell (and I live in Japan and have the books in Japanese), Vegeta just doesn't use much in the way of names when he's talking to people. | Reviewed By: manawolf [MediaMiner Member] On: October 04, 2002 05:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
ROFL! I approve. Vegeta was, perhaps, a little more cordial than in the show, but that's minor, and probably just a matter of my personal opinion. Only worth mentioning because you said you were trying to keep it as true as possible. ^_^ |
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