| "If I Didn't Have You" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] |
Reviewed By: anon reader On: December 13, 2003 20:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok....two words for you: I'm Confused. I did not get that story at all! Maybe if you were a bit more descriptive on everything BUT the sex scenes and EXPLAINED what happened (Ex: When did Tai realize he was dreaming?) and all the little transitions. It's a good story, just needs to be better written. And...one more thing...might want to think up a new way Yama dies. I fell on the pavement face first before and I'm still here. Sure it hurt like hell, but I'm not dead. Although, they say if you land on your nose from a certain height and force the impact could give you a hemorrage and kill you. Something to think about.
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Reviewed By: osama bin hitler On: December 02, 2002 20:27 CST
Comment/Review:
actually, if u fall on ur face from like 34553 stories high, u could,maybe die. but tripping then falling? nah. good fic by the way. it looked more like a pwp then anything else. in your other fics try to include more of a story then two dudes just jerkin eachopther off. im a fan of taito, but i myself aint gay. I dont mind the occasional lemon and all, but that was just too much for a regular fic. i guess its ok since its ur story, but next time dont add a plot if u just want it to be two dudes going at it. |
Reviewed By: sadistic_crayon [MediaMiner Member] On: November 27, 2002 00:42 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved the surprise ending! Really ... shocked me.
I do have some pointers though.
1)too much dialogue... you could do with more discription.
2)Lube. 2 guys having sex, need lube... or at least something. It's not like straight sex...cos well... you know... gurls are kinda *coughs* well you get what I mean. But guys, well if they did it like that there would be *serious* bleeding and health problems. Just something to think about for future fics.
3)falling flat on your face on the pavement won't kill you. Simple.
Other than that very original!
keep writing. |
Reviewed By: TogetherAgain [MediaMiner Member] On: October 18, 2002 21:38 CDT
Comment/Review:
very origional and creative!!!!I liked it a lot!! hehe, now I want to read your other fics! |
Reviewed By: TogetherAgain [MediaMiner Member] On: October 18, 2002 21:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
and another contination to this wonderful fic! love the plot development. |
Reviewed By: TogetherAgain [MediaMiner Member] On: October 18, 2002 21:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I was right. this is one of your best. very nicely done |
