| "HEATed up" Reviews/Comments [ 47 ] |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
Reviewed By: mysterylady_tx [MediaMiner Member] On: December 04, 2003 23:53 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was so CUTE:D
|
Reviewed By: Masaio [MediaMiner Member] On: September 13, 2003 15:33 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very sweet |
Reviewed By: kuroneko On: July 07, 2003 00:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
its so adorable!!! i absolutely love it! congrats^_^ |
Reviewed By: appelcline [MediaMiner Member] On: June 28, 2003 03:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is great for a first effort, especially since you aren't entirely comfortable writing in English! Since you've asked for suggestions, I'll try to give some.
1. Regarding feeling more comfortable with the English in your stories, you might be able to email your fic to another writer whose English spelling and grammar you trust, and have them help you fix those errors. Do you have any online friends who might be able to help you with that? If not, you might want to write something in your bio here that lets folks know that you would like some help with that. Even the best story is better if it has been proofread for optimal spelling and grammar.
2. The beginning of your story felt rushed. I didn't really have a picture in my mind of where all of this was happening, or what the demon they fought was like, or anything. I think it might be better (but this is just my opinion) if you either skipped right to the sex (and perhaps had the two characters just talk about the fact that they'd gotten trapped, or allow that to be communicated by Shippo calling to them) or made the beginning a bit more detailed, with some dialogue and action ... maybe even some set-up tension between Inu-Yasha and Kagome, like they had a fight or something, so that there's already tension when they get trapped in the cave. Starting out with some tension is always good.
3. I really liked the bits of thoughts and dialogue, and wished there had been more, especially during the scene within the cave. It would have been nice to know more of Inu-Yasha's thoughts before and during the actual sex, for example. Was he nervous? Was he afraid of what Kagome might be thinking? Was he looking up her skirt? As an example of what I'm talking about, you might want to read Ookami-chan's story "Unexpected Opportunities" (at http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php?id=28629).
Those are the only suggestions I can think of right now. The best thing you can do is read more stories and write more stories. So good luck with your stories, since I hope you'll write many more! |
Reviewed By: Ari On: June 27, 2003 14:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey good story, the English was fine, you write in English better than me and its my main language. I only have one question, do male dogs go into heat? |
Reviewed By: ANGRYperson On: June 16, 2003 02:14 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
dear LOSER,
your fanfic stinks!..........................................................................................................................................................................................like pee-poo!!!
if i could i would have rated it 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001!!!!
AAAHHH! THAT WAS THE WORST PORN SHORT-FIC I HAVE ever READ!!1
MCDONALDS COMPLAINT:
Give me some more fries extra CRISPY!!! NOT SOGGY!!!I DON'T LIKE GARBAGE-FRIES!!THANK-U VERY MUCH!!! CAN U THROW IN A McFLURRY WITH THAT with A SIDE OF OREO!!I WANT IT FREE!! OR I'll KILL U!BOOM BOOM BOM!! MAD MAN ON THE LOOSE!! |
Reviewed By: Kikyo Hater On: June 09, 2003 20:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
The only problem that really made me laugh is when you said Inu put his arms around her 'waste'. I know you ment 'waist'. I thought you might like to know so you can change it. |
Reviewed By: Bam On: March 21, 2003 20:44 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I liked it alot. your spelling and grammar are pretty good. I kind of think the "heat" scenario is getting a bit old but i still like your fanfiction. |
Reviewed By: scarlet halo [MediaMiner Member] On: February 05, 2003 15:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
great fic!! nice job, i like your style and your very good at writing lemons! |
Reviewed By: Sour-Chan On: February 04, 2003 12:09 CST
Comment/Review:
oooo that was neat, it was short but good, it was my first time reading a inu yasha fic ^^ well hope to see more work by you
Sour-Chan |
Reviewed By: inuyoukai2007 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 01, 2003 22:26 CST
Comment/Review:
you do realize that male anythings don't go into heat, right? |
Reviewed By: The Great Anime Demon On: January 11, 2003 14:43 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Loved the fic!! I hope you write a sequal!! The lemon was awesome! |
Reviewed By: EvilWarpedDemon On: December 26, 2002 02:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
how does sex relate to love? i dont think they realy love each other...i mean love takes a lot more than just sex, right? maybe i'm old fashioned. u made it seem really trashy and used the word "love" at the same time. that just bothers me...anyways i'll stop being mean and annoying now. at least i thought ur plot was original...that counts for something right?
-EvilWarpedDemon |
Reviewed By: misticknight2002 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 24, 2002 05:12 CST
Comment/Review:
Awww. That was sweet. But tottaly ooc, about the time inu yasha found out he was in heat he wouldn't have been that close to kagome(he'd be to afraid of hurting her), also kagome would have flipped out at her self for even thinking of going over and 'helping' him. But i still liked it so do somemore. ^-^ |
Reviewed By: King of Hearts On: December 10, 2002 14:46 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Add more details when it comes to scenes, and for certain sex scenes |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
