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| "Falling Into You" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: Falling Into You
Reviewed By: ranoshi_ai On: October 21, 2003 00:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
this seems the beginning of a wonderful fic, come on shishi! make it yummy when time comes? ^-^ really liked it, don't leave us hanging @_@
| Reviewed By: ec writer On: December 03, 2002 20:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice. Overall pretty good. But there were many redundant sentences and it could have used a little editing. For example:
"But now, since he'd become a master, there wasn't anything keeping him on the road. He had no excuse not to go home, especialy for Christmas, to see his mother."
could be cut down to: "But now, since he'd become a master, he had no excuse not to go home for christmas." Try not to bog the reader with so much exposition. The reader will get the general idea as they read along, so it's useless to weigh down each sentence.
It gets better further down the page, as if you're getting into a writing beat: 'A devilish grin played across his lips as he remembered their many narrow escapes from the wrath of his mothers switch and Prof. Oaks endless lectures. They'd been quite a pair, one rarely seen without the other. But that was a long time ago, it wouldn't serve any purpose to dredge up painful memories this time of year.'
A nice beginning. Looking forward to more. |
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