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| "HailStorm" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] | Reviewed By: Vicky So On: July 18, 2003 13:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey cool fanfic... you should make more :) | Reviewed By: Randa-Chan [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2003 07:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like your fic, it's light and interesting. Just a really good story with plenty of humour and really well written. I always used to read stories that sounded interesting but I've learned that you just have to sift through all the junk until you locate something that's worth while, like your story. I've never usually been one for crossovers but you've used Ranma well in this story, and his companions. I can't wait to hear the rest of your story and would greatly appriciate it if you emailed me everytime you put up a new chapter at: pretty_soldiers23@hotmail.com
Of course you don't have to do it every chapter, just when it's finished would be fine too.
Good luck with your writing!
Randa-Chan* | Reviewed By: WTF On: February 24, 2003 18:59 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
My bad, I thought you gave Kensuke's name as Hibiki, in going back and looking at it again, I see that you don't. | Reviewed By: Laqjr [MediaMiner Member] On: February 24, 2003 12:28 CST
Comment/Review:
Wow... Why is it that all of a sudden everyone is finding and reading chapter 6... despite the fact that it's Hidden, unfinished, and clearly labeled Work In Progress?
Chapter 6 is not finished (as of 2/24/03). It won't even be publicly posted for a few more days. Yes, Chapter 6 lacks continuity, and yes, that is the worst scene I have ever written involving Ranma, Ukyo, or Ryoga that I've posted so far. Just leave it at that, you're not even supposed to be reading it yet.
Now, to address your concerns...
Kensuke is NOT Ryoga's son. How you even got that idea is beyond me, since Ryoga's not actually paired with anyone (that includes Ukyo; this isn't a Ryoga/Ukyo matchup, as of the date stated above). Akane is married to an Annoying New Character (ANC) named Sanji, and Kensuke is Akane's son by Sanji. Kensuke is also an ANC, and Ryoga was never with Akane in the first place.
Questions and concerns on the characters will be answered on a case-by-case basis. The thing with Ukyo being hung up on Ranma is not something I'm going to go into, and Ryoga's quirks against Ranma have nothing (or little) to do with Akane, nor do they have much to do with Ukyo. Ukyo caught up to Ranma at the Martial Arts competition... but that was in another town, at least an hour away. As was stated in Chapter 6, Ranma had avoided Ukyo without letting her know about the whereabouts of his residence; it was because she was searching for Kensuke and ran into Ami that she even thought Ranma might be living or working in Juban. Before then she hadn't known where Ranma lived.
Ami's hangups... are a little different. And requires a bit of creative writing to explain. It's not a completely 'this is why' kind of reason. She admitted to herself that Atsuko loves her and takes care of her, as a mother should, but she is resentful of the fact that Atsuko had deceived her for so many years. That's in the most general sense. At the time, Ami thought of her foster mother, Atsuko, and her father, Ranma, in two different lights; Atsuko is the caretaker who provides her moral support and raised her to be who she is, while Ranma is the only biological parent she knows, and she despises him (not so strongly, but resent is still present) for running out on her mother and then abandoning her (yes, it's the whole Reality vs Belief theme again), only to come back and try to -be- her father. She doesn't want him in her life prior to learning the truth of the situation he's been part of, and learning that truth, then trying to consolidate her image of two completely different people into one single parent sort of shorted her out, emotionally, and she acted pretty much in character, given the circumstances.
Ami isn't mad that she's been taken care of... she just could not handle the image she had of her household, fractured beyond containment due to what she had learned (For those of you who haven't read chapter 6, I'm being dodgy so I don't post a spoiler). Yes, she does act OOC, if you consider the character she portrays around her friends when they are hanging out in a study session to be a static one. If you consider her character to be in any way dynamic, though, you'll find that such shocking truths as the one she received enough to at least temporarily cause an out-of-character episode, and I find that the one I portrayed is a fairly accurate possibility, though as I well know, you as the reader are liable to disagree. That's okay.
Admittedly, yes, the story has been lacking a bit in continuity during the first four or five chapters, but that is mostly because I had been closely following four of the SailorMoon R episodes, excepting the actual dates and/or times they occurred, and chapter four was just something thrown together and placed in there to get rid of the monotonous tone beginning to overtake the story. Chapters 6 and 7 are supposed to change that, detracting from the SailorMoon episodes and delving more into other issues involving or revolving around Ami, Ranma, and certain other relations to them. The reason why it's so confusing as it is is because, gasp! I haven't added the last third of Chapter 6. That means, you lost out on all the important plot that didn't seem to happen in the first half of the chapter. Basically, Chapter 6 is a transitional chapter, and the only scene that counts for anything is the scene I cut off at, just before it started to actually matter. Come back when I'm done, and it will sound much better (hopefully).
Now, to wrap up. The continuity is an ongoing problem that I'm trying to fix, and some things do seem a bit confusing. A lot of it is very obvious, though (i.e. Ryoga is not Kensuke's father, there is no mentioned relationship between Ryoga and Akane), and a lot of it is foreshadowing ("Though both were very good and fought very hard, Ami easily saw and readily understood that her father was steadily giving ground and on the verge of letting down his defences. Was he trying to lose?"). I can understand where some of the concerns are coming from (Chapter 3 is suffering from a major need for a rewrite; Ryoga's character in Ch 6 is nothing like it is in Ch 3, what with different motivations and everything), but I can only do so much before this story overwhelms me. Chapter 6 is my current limit. After that, I'll go back and redo Chapter 3. Will that be more helpful?
One more thing before I go. Everything before Chapter 5 on mediaminer needs to be updated(except the prologue). Specifically, the competition in Chapter 4 has been rewritten, but besides that, the backgrounds of the Ranma characters have changed, and I apologize for not correcting this sooner. It won't be done for a while, but that's because I'm a lazy writer who gives weak-ass excuses for badly written chapters. :P Ja ne! | Reviewed By: WTF On: February 24, 2003 05:35 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, this is getting ridiculous. Your story has been a bit lacking on the continuity front since the start, but chapter 6 just went too damned far!
What the hell happened with Ukyou, Ryouga, and Kensuke??? In previous chapters you had Ukyou recognizing and kissing Ranma's "Atsuko" persona... Then in this latest chapter you've got her only just now finding him? And she's engaged to Ryouga? Isn't the fucking Kensuke(?) kid Ryouga's son??? Ryouga's son by Akane? So what the hell happened there, that Ryouga's now no longer with Akane and he's suddenly engaged to Ukyou? And why is Ukyou still so hung up on Ranma after all these years?
Why is Ami so bent out of shape that Atsuko is actually her father Ranma? She admitted to herself that Atsuko had loved her and taken care of her all her life early on, so why the hell is she suddenly resentful of her? The more logical question from Ami's POV would be for her to want to know WHY Ranma chose to live as Atsuko, not ot get pissed off that she'd been loved and well taken care of by her parent...
If you have answers to any of these question I would suggest you actually try including them in your story. To not do so, confuses the reader and diminishes your story. It's just lazy writing on your part to not put any effort into continuity or background. And don't think that some bullshit excuse about keeping the reader guessing will answer my questions, because that's just a weak-ass excuse that gets used by people who don't feel like actually thinking about what they write. | Reviewed By: ai-bo [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2003 19:26 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey, hey! I wanted to review because you wanted me to review ^_^ I'll tell you, the one thing I noticed most is your PERFECTION of their corny-just-transformed-speeches. Amazing! (I'm serious) I like it. It makes me tired just reading about poor old Ami! Keep up the good work. | Reviewed By: Brian On: January 13, 2003 09:25 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good stuff; takes the premise of _Who's your Daddy_, but I think takes it in a more interesting direction. Seems like Ranma's going to have to come clean eventually, and it'd probably be better sooner than later, now that the Nerima chaos is catching up. (And I like the martial arts computer repair; a lot of people forget about the screwy martial arts that crop up in the Ranma series) | Reviewed By: DeeChan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2003 19:55 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your story is pretty good so far and I have a hunch n_n. I think that Atsuko is Ranma, it was mentioned that Atsuko didn't like cats and Ranma of course doesn't like cats. The two haven't been seen at the same time either. Ranma showed up at one of Ami's battles and so did Atsuko. Atsuko's display of martial arts, no interest in men and kissing a girl are clues too. |
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