| "Bedtime stories from the heart" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] |
Reviewed By: Zerianyu On: May 15, 2003 01:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey
I like the fic. Just to say one thing. Grammer mistakes are bound to happen. If ya don't want it to sound like a flame only mention a few and try and be nice. You had some mistakes but it didn't hurt the story at all I liked it lots and I f Vegeta acted that way to trunks that would be so cuuuutttteeeeeeeeeee. Wish you would write more. ppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeee |
Reviewed By: Demetz On: March 24, 2003 09:08 CST
Comment/Review:
Delete red devil slayer's flame; it is not worth your time to read nor does it contribute anything of worth to the story.
*I don't care much for flames either. |
Reviewed By: Demetz On: March 24, 2003 09:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
It is certainly much better than last time, but you should revise the last paragraph of the first chapter and run it all through a spell checker again because there were a few lingering spelling mistakes. Fix those, and your story will be completed, unless you wanted to continue it which I am sure would make a lot of people very happy.
;-) |
Reviewed By: Shadow2003 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 20, 2003 23:47 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
The lemon part is the best lol I don't care about grammer and spelling too its part of my disabilltiy anyway flamers are mean I know I got flamed badly once for making a gohan/videl lemon I had to take off becase of the bastard but his assed was kicked! |
Reviewed By: Demetz On: March 20, 2003 15:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
I know you said you didn't want any flames, and I don't intend for you to take this review in that matter. The writing style was brought down primarily by your horrid use of grammar because the lack of sophistication within it is excusable by the fact that it is a bed time story. If you go back and re read you story I'm sure you'll see much the same thing. Each time you change speakers with dialogue you should start a new paragraph. Make sure that when you open quotes you also close them. Your spelling was a little off in several places, ex it should be "liar" instead of "lier." Run your story through a spell/grammar checker and that should fix most of your errors, or get someone to beta your writing. Your originality was brought down becuase I didn't feel that you really explored the characters very well (not a reference to the lemon). You also made poor use of commas and often didn't indent what should be new paragraphs. In addition you often neglected to use pronouns (He, She, etc...) at the beginning of your sentence which made the writing considerably more difficult to read. The massive grammar errors do considerable harm to the intended motif of this story, which was somewhat weak as it was, but if you get those fixed then I would give this story an overall rating of a 9 but as it is now, it is not deserving of so high a rating. |
Reviewed By: NSBVEGETA [MediaMiner Member] On: March 18, 2003 16:18 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey i loved the lemon yup yup yup! you did good ! So sad that it has to end .
AND hey When they show Vgetea's ass on Tv Im one of the first ones to glue my eyes to the TV IM A HENTAII! I KNOW !! Whats a girl to do!
LOL
Later! |
Reviewed By: Sakura On: March 16, 2003 00:37 CST
Comment/Review:
It was very cute. And i hope you write more like this. |
Reviewed By: Venus On: March 14, 2003 12:24 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
LEMON LOL hey nice fic I want more take care VV |
Reviewed By: Gothic Prince Vejita [MediaMiner Member] On: March 07, 2003 19:36 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very sweet. There need to be more stories with father/son moments between Vejita and Trunks.
And I also thought Vejita's retelling of how he and Bulma got together was very sweet and romantic.
Now you need to write a lemon because veji an' bulma are my favorite heterosexual couple.
If you hurry up and post the lemon, I'll hurry up and post my songfic: Nativity In Black.
I think that song goes good with V/B, cuz it's about the devil falling in love with someone, and veji's evil, and he could give Bulma the moon and the stars cuz he can kill people easily and give her a planet or sumthin'.
If you got a mp3 search engine, download the song:
N.I.B.
by
Black Sabbath |
Reviewed By: SonKikyo [MediaMiner Member] On: January 24, 2003 15:05 CST
Comment/Review:
You story was cute. I liked it. I think you should make another chapter |
Reviewed By: Brat Bulma On: January 23, 2003 20:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a really gr8 v/b story!! I love it so far! Keep up the good work Vampire G!!
Luv,
Brat Bulma |
Reviewed By: Neferti On: January 23, 2003 14:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
....you write a next chapter, because I like your story very much! |
Reviewed By: NSBVEGETA [MediaMiner Member] On: March 16, 2003 20:43 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
AWWW this was so cute I loved it! Trunks is so cute and Vegeta was so funny when he was found out by Bulma .
*Hi Im sycho NSBVEGETA AND I LOVED THE THING CUTE BUT I WANTTTT THE LEMON OK!!!!!!! LEMON NOW YUP YUMMMYYYYY!LEMONNN!!*
Sorry about that
Later Cant wait for next Chappy! |
