| "Beautiful Surprise" Reviews/Comments [ 23 ] |
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Reviewed By: Tracybrat [MediaMiner Member] On: February 10, 2011 09:09 EST
Comment/Review:
When did they get naked? I got confused. |
Reviewed By: chiku [MediaMiner Member] On: November 28, 2006 07:47 EST
Comment/Review:
It is a good short fic, i just cant imagine vegeta say "i love you", way ooc, but still good
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Reviewed By: Free-sprit [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2005 03:39 EDT
Comment/Review:
Okay, mornths ago I read this fic, and It has haunted me since. I really really don't like fics where Vegeta is outta character, and he is most surdenly here. Way to much out of character. If you would work a little with this fic, I think it would be ten times better, I agree with all the others that have rewevied this fic.
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Reviewed By: Cassie aka Pandora On: May 20, 2005 19:59 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I thought that this was a very good fanific about an over used subject. lol But some how i don't care. I still love B/V fanfics. I also like the style of writing. Good job
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Reviewed By: Ikata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 14, 2004 03:02 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very straight to the point, not much of a story. Vejita is very OOC, but it's a good base idea for what could be an even better story. (Sorry, I'm a total critic) It served it's purpose though.
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Reviewed By: anne bolyen On: March 19, 2004 19:23 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
soory just asking around does any one know the title for this one dragon ballz fanfics where bulma and vegeta concieve a child and he takes her to his planet to meet his father and court.Also his cousin hates her
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Reviewed By: QUEEN TRE On: June 28, 2003 01:42 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like the story about two poeple who liked each other so they did what anybody would do for pleasure.
sign, queen tre@aol.com |
Reviewed By: MoRbLaDe On: May 13, 2003 02:24 EDT
Comment/Review:
I'd work on basics like punctuation, grammar, readability, etc. Then work on vocabulary, then plot depth, then *detail*. Good, solid effort though and good luck in future efforts. |
Reviewed By: Natsumi Chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2003 20:16 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I liked this fic, I think you could have made it a bit longer and gone into a little more detail at the start concerning the breakup with Yamcha. I thought the lemon was pretty well written ^^'
Just be sure to double check over your punctuation.
Overall I enjoyed reading it, I'll be sure to read more of your stuff in the future. ^^" |
Reviewed By: Jari On: October 14, 2002 19:40 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Loved the fic. Just the way Vegeta and Bulma would hook up. Keep on writing more! |
Reviewed By: Sora and Tai forever [MediaMiner Member] On: October 03, 2002 19:54 EDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
your fanfic was the first dbz i have ever read because i read Digimon!i think it was good.
Keep up the good work
yourfriend,
~~~~Sora~~~~ |
Reviewed By: CC On: September 28, 2002 16:34 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Needs work. |
Reviewed By: rocka On: September 12, 2002 18:39 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
short, sloppy and messy. it started to fast, and vegeta would never say *i love you too silly woman* i really didnt like that. but the lemon was ok. |
Reviewed By: Vegetas Gyal [MediaMiner Member] On: July 10, 2002 11:56 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was really good, but things happened a bit fast, and you could work on your style or writing and spelling and grammar a bit. You used a lot of... "bigger" words, as a little kid would say, though you used some of them in the wrong context. As for spelling and grammar, I suggest you use a spell check and check your quotations. For instance, when Buruma was thinking, you put her thoughts in "..." but didn't put it in bold or italics and it got a bit confusing. Usually (this is only what I noticed from reading a lot) authors start a new line when people are thinking, and don't do anything to it. For example, you put:
"must be a new record" she thought.
While most people would write it:
Must be a new record, she thought.
Always start sentences with a capitol, the the first letter of the first word in quotations is also a capitol.
For originality/creativity, I have to agree with Lady Macbeth. It is average, and fairly vague when it comes to Yamucha and the ending.
I gave you a 9 for enjoyment factor because this is my absolute FAVOURITE couple, and I enjoy anything about them, even the worst written, most A/U about their get together.
I think that if you develop your plot more and plan it out, then your fics can become phenomenal. You have the potential to become a fantastic writer. Have you ever thought about writing an actual novel about Buruma's and Bejiita's get together? I think that if you planned it out, used a spell check and kept tabs on your puncuation and sentence structure, then your fic would DEFINITELY rock MM.org.
Please don't take this as a flame, this is merely constructive criticism.
~VG~ |
Reviewed By: Sailor Mercury [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2002 23:36 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was really good!I loved it! I think it's kind hard to make one shot lemons like that but you pulled it of really nicely!Ja ne! |
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