| "Beautiful Surprise" Reviews/Comments [ 23 ] |
| Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] |
Reviewed By: Natsumi Chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2003 20:16 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I liked this fic, I think you could have made it a bit longer and gone into a little more detail at the start concerning the breakup with Yamcha. I thought the lemon was pretty well written ^^'
Just be sure to double check over your punctuation.
Overall I enjoyed reading it, I'll be sure to read more of your stuff in the future. ^^" |
Reviewed By: Jari On: October 14, 2002 19:40 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Loved the fic. Just the way Vegeta and Bulma would hook up. Keep on writing more! |
Reviewed By: Sora and Tai forever [MediaMiner Member] On: October 03, 2002 19:54 EDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
your fanfic was the first dbz i have ever read because i read Digimon!i think it was good.
Keep up the good work
yourfriend,
~~~~Sora~~~~ |
Reviewed By: CC On: September 28, 2002 16:34 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Needs work. |
Reviewed By: rocka On: September 12, 2002 18:39 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
short, sloppy and messy. it started to fast, and vegeta would never say *i love you too silly woman* i really didnt like that. but the lemon was ok. |
Reviewed By: Vegetas Gyal [MediaMiner Member] On: July 10, 2002 11:56 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was really good, but things happened a bit fast, and you could work on your style or writing and spelling and grammar a bit. You used a lot of... "bigger" words, as a little kid would say, though you used some of them in the wrong context. As for spelling and grammar, I suggest you use a spell check and check your quotations. For instance, when Buruma was thinking, you put her thoughts in "..." but didn't put it in bold or italics and it got a bit confusing. Usually (this is only what I noticed from reading a lot) authors start a new line when people are thinking, and don't do anything to it. For example, you put:
"must be a new record" she thought.
While most people would write it:
Must be a new record, she thought.
Always start sentences with a capitol, the the first letter of the first word in quotations is also a capitol.
For originality/creativity, I have to agree with Lady Macbeth. It is average, and fairly vague when it comes to Yamucha and the ending.
I gave you a 9 for enjoyment factor because this is my absolute FAVOURITE couple, and I enjoy anything about them, even the worst written, most A/U about their get together.
I think that if you develop your plot more and plan it out, then your fics can become phenomenal. You have the potential to become a fantastic writer. Have you ever thought about writing an actual novel about Buruma's and Bejiita's get together? I think that if you planned it out, used a spell check and kept tabs on your puncuation and sentence structure, then your fic would DEFINITELY rock MM.org.
Please don't take this as a flame, this is merely constructive criticism.
~VG~ |
Reviewed By: Sailor Mercury [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2002 23:36 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was really good!I loved it! I think it's kind hard to make one shot lemons like that but you pulled it of really nicely!Ja ne! |
Reviewed By: smitten_kitten [MediaMiner Member] On: July 02, 2002 01:15 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i liked it lots. even if it was somewhat short. not that short is bad. i just personally like longer fan fics. but since i don't usually like short fics and i really really like this one, that means it's exceptionally good. :-) |
Reviewed By: ryan` On: July 01, 2002 23:11 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey this was pretty good i would never be able to do something like that and since u asked so nice i reviewed and i hope u make more |
Reviewed By: ZombieKatBriefs [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2002 17:57 EDT
Comment/Review:
Very nice! Just remember your expression marks and punctuation, (ex, at the end of a qote remember your punctuation! you need to end their sentence ^^) But a very promising fic!
I like how Bulma adds alot of drama to the story, and her attitude shows very well at the beginning, keep up the good work! |
Reviewed By: Dragon Girl On: June 27, 2002 15:28 EDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I didn't rate your stye of writing or spelling & grammar beacuse I suck at writing. I enjoyed your fic very much. I can't wait for the next installment. |
Reviewed By: Kris On: February 20, 2002 02:38 EST
Comment/Review:
That was good. I would have wanted to see more foreplay but I liked it anyways. Keep writing! |
Reviewed By: Claire On: December 04, 2001 15:07 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved it! I wihs i could just write that much. Your Fic's a really good, hjope to see more from you! |
Reviewed By: Lady Macbeth [MediaMiner Member] On: December 02, 2001 22:09 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
This fic has a lot of promise! The biggest drawback was in the "style of writing" and "spelling & grammar" areas. While there weren't a lot of words that were blatantly wrong, the structure of the fic needs work. Remember to capitalize the beginning of every sentence, including speech. Whenever a line of text is headed by quotation marks (") the word immediately following it usually starts with a capital letter, especially if the speaker is starting a new sentence.
As far as originality/creativity goes, this one is pretty average. Fics that pair common couples together, such as Bulma/Vegeta fics, tend to run along similar lines. In order to get a sense of being more than run-of-the mill, I'd suggest a little more plot development. Even for a short one-shot, the plot was very vague; Yamcha's absence was vague, and the end was left kind of up in the air. The lemon scene, while fairly solid, is much like many others of the genre.
I gave a slightly above average enjoyment rating. This is much like many Bulma/Vegeta fics I read, but I do like the pairing, so that helped me enjoy it a bit more.
Overall, it's average to above average. It has potential to be much more - work with what you have to develop plot and character, and proofread for sentence/paragraph structure and this can be a very solid fic. |
Reviewed By: K' Crezy On: October 13, 2001 22:40 EDT
Comment/Review:
Another hit! I think you have a prosperous future with other
lemons... I hope that's not all! I enjoyed this one as much as the last one!
~~K |
| Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] |
