| "The Cardboard Box" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] |
Title: aw...
Reviewed By: Descendant [MediaMiner Member] On: December 28, 2003 21:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I noticed that you haven't come back to this one and it's kinda old.. It was really good. I was hoping to see more, but,(Sniffle)it seems that you've ditched it.. :( It was really good and original. If you ever get this review, I want you to know that I liked your story and I hope you continue it someday.. Thanks, Descendant
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Reviewed By: T On: April 07, 2003 09:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HI, HI! I am so glad you computer is working and that you updated again. You have a great story and I have been waiting to see what will happen next. Thanks for adding four new chapters.
I will be waiting to see what is going to happen in the next chapters. GREAT JOB!!!!!!
Ja ne |
Reviewed By: T On: March 19, 2003 14:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You are doing a great job!!!! It made my day to to find out that you had updated nf wrote the next chapter! I can't wait to see what will happen next. I never thought of Sakano as Bishonin, but it definately works. Keep up the great work! I WILL BE WAITING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ja ne |
Reviewed By: Megami Riley On: March 11, 2003 22:46 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wai! you updated! I can't wait to find out what was in that envelope. I also can't wait till you update! ^___^ update soon!
ja! |
Reviewed By: T On: March 01, 2003 06:31 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love your fanfic! I have been waiting to see if Suguru is OK- well at least he is safe for now.
The big question on everyones mind is- What will Tohma-san do now? Will he go as balistic as we all think he will???? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee keep writing!! Also, will anything happen between Suguru and Sakano? Please continue.
***************^_______________^****************** |
Reviewed By: Megami Riley On: February 26, 2003 00:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
^__^ OMG!! I absolutely LOVE this fic! I can't wait till you update! I want to know what happens to Suguru. and what is up with that nurse? she better get fired in the end or something. hmph. not helping right away and thinking about an autograph. Update Soon!
Ja! |
Reviewed By: T On: February 22, 2003 17:32 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
YAY!!! We have been waiting and this chapter was great! Nmw, what will happen next? Will
Surguru be OK? What will Tohma do when he gets
the letter? Hopefully these and other questions will be answered in the following chapters. I will be looking for the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!
Ja ne |
Reviewed By: T On: February 17, 2003 22:30 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like your fanfic. Sorry, I thought that I had left a comment earlier. It is an interesting story line. Well, we are waiting with bated breath to see what will happen next to Suguru. Will he be OK and what will Tohma do to seek his Revenge- If we know our Tohma he will take care of it without the help of the police to the detriment of the "evil Doers". Please continue soon!!!!!
Ja ne |
Reviewed By: icediamond On: February 11, 2003 18:41 CST
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
It's an interesting fanfic. Not particularly original, seems like a standard rape fic mixed slightly with the standard betrayal theme in Gravi itself. I like the fact you used Suguru. While I'm not particularly fond of him, he does get underused. And I don't think I've seen him and Sakano as a pairing before. I may be wrong however. Your biggest problem, though, is you seem to have skipped several major grammar concepts. The one most prevalent in your fic: for god's sake, use commas. Try reading a couple grammar guides online. Ask a friend of yours who is good at grammar to beta-read for you. Or you could do a search for beta-readers on a search engine. You'd probably be able to find someone. You also tend to rush it slightly. Your scenes lack description, and your dialogue seems somewhat stilted. A suggestion for better dialogue has always been to read it out loud. It has never worked for me, but I tend to trash everything I write anyways, so that doesn't matter.
Oddly enough, though, I somewhat like your fic. I can't quite pinpoint what it is. You've managed to hit most my pet peeves rather badly at some point, but I still enjoy it. Be proud. Very few people have ever managed that. |
