| "Who Should I Choose?" Reviews/Comments [ 47 ] |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
Reviewed By: jayde On: August 21, 2003 01:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
omg!! this is soo good. i cant wait for the next one to come out!! haha. keep up good work. |
Reviewed By: Eve On: July 28, 2003 19:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HI!! plzplzplzplz keep goin! the suspense is buggin the hell outta me!! *ahem* from wut little experience ive had it really helps an author along buttkissing duz *apllies chapstick* o great and talented 1 plzplzplz rite more!!! tis a great and awesome story itis!!
~eve~ |
Reviewed By: Legolas On: July 23, 2003 18:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good, update ASAP! |
Reviewed By: Zefyr [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2003 22:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Starters, I noticed some grammatical and spelling errors, but they're the kind that would be missed by a spellchecker. Like "bare" for "bear" and whatnot. I can do an extended review, no problemo - still got my email?
As for the story itself, you're moving quickly. There are definitely some points where I think if you slowed down and gave us more time to digest, it'd work better. I know you mentioned you were worried Duo trusted too quickly, but we are talking about Duo here!
If anything, what's got me most confused at parts is your tendency to jump rapidly from one scene to the next. The phrases in square brackets, like "a white room somewhere" or whatever, struck me as author's short-hand. As though you'd said, here's a note of where I'm putting the characters - I'll just come back later and describe the location. Don't. Describe the location now, because I can't always visualize what you mean when you simply say, for instance, "someplace dark" - a dark bedroom? An unlit airplane hangar? An office with no windows?
Also, your sentences tend to be choppy, so I'd suggest working on smoothing them a bit. Turn one sentence into a supporting phrase every now and then. For instance:
[He walked into the room. He looked around and said...]
into
[Walking into the room, he glanced around and said...]
Word choice is also important. Looked, glanced, glared. Heero, Wufei, Hiei glare; Trowa observes while Duo glances. But maybe, in *your* story, they do something else - but they all do more than just look. Your plot is marvelously inventive, and you've come up with great ideas, but it needs more details, powerful word choices, and slightly smoother description. I recommend a thesaurus, btw - never, EVER let anyone tell you that you shouldn't use them. They're tools, and they will help you get better.
Keep it up, and post the rest of those chapters. I'm very interested to see what you plan next! |
Reviewed By: GoldenRat [MediaMiner Member] On: June 23, 2003 01:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I still love this story idea. But the G-boys trusted Kurama way too easily.
The story moves a little too fast, parts could be expanded. |
Reviewed By: Zefyr On: June 17, 2003 14:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like the start... but where's the rest? And major points for jumping right into it. Barely had time to breathe and bam, story's started! Woo! Hurry up and update! |
Reviewed By: Trunks' Girl 787 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 27, 2003 12:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Please write more! This is so exciting! They're many Yu Yu Hakusho Xovers out there, but not many of them are good. Yours is in the good list!
Will Hiei wake up again? I'm sure Kurama can bust the others out of there. |
Reviewed By: Setsuna On: May 23, 2003 18:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
you're style of writig is pretty good
spelling and grammar...you should do a little more editing
the story's great! lovethe idea of it and im enjoyin it so far!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue |
Reviewed By: Infidel [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2003 19:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very unique and adorable!!!! My favorite bishounen from each anime series together!! Oh god this is brilliant and challenging pairing, I commend you for taking it on. Please continue! |
Reviewed By: GoldenRat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2003 01:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Kewl! The moon of the Gundam Wing Universe makes Kurama horny, nice touch.
Who asked the question at the end of ch 7? |
Reviewed By: Kris On: April 22, 2003 20:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
So far as I can see the only thing that bugs me about this story is that so much can happen and it still seems to be going so very sloh-oh.
It's rather odd.
I'm not sure I like it.
But!, there is no way I am going to stop reading this story!! I like it a lot already.
When do we get to find out what Kurama and Hiei fought about and when Hiei actually decided he loved Kurama?
Can one of the guys fight Kurama? I'd like to see that happen! Especially if he won. (in my mind they're out of their suits when fighting him, so anything's possible.) Hey! Maybe Kurama and Trowa fight and that's when everything gets cleared up between them.
Speaking of which...
The question on *everybody's* mind: Why is Trowa really avoiding him?
I am sorry if my ramblings or suggestions offend you, I don't intend to do so. I was just hoping to be helpful and if for some reason you like one of those ideas, I'm glad!
-Kris |
Reviewed By: GoldenRat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 11, 2003 00:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I still think the G-boys tell Kurama things too easily, but other then that this fic is really nice. i like the way Kurama thinks. |
Reviewed By: sandfox On: April 10, 2003 20:39 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
well this is probably one of the best crossovers i have seen. usually crossovers make one show look better than the other or bash one of them, but you are fair to both shows and betray the characters well. even though my fav character is quatre and you dont show him that much, but i still read it. that says something. i love wufei too so its all good. ps sorry if i write alot and you dont want to read this but i just had to congraduate you |
Reviewed By: Faen [MediaMiner Member] On: April 09, 2003 16:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a really cool story. I've never seen a Wufei/Kurama pairing, it should be interesting. Please update soon. |
Reviewed By: GoldenRat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 08, 2003 17:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
So will the reat of the Spirit Detectives go to the Gundam universe too? |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] |
