Reviewed By: Tresa On: March 11, 2003 22:59 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
First of all, Sailor Sun is a damned Mary Sue, whichever way you look at her. And Mary Sues are downright annoying as hell. If you're not familiar with that term, here's a link.
http://www.subreality.com/marysue.htm
Secondly, you have to watch your writing style. If you wanna change POVs, don't type it out for all to see. Instead, use a key. For example, you could use ------ to denote a change of POV.
Thirdly, I'm sure it doesn't take too much of an effort to check for spelling and grammatical mistakes. Start a new paragraph after each character speaks. PLEASE capitalise every character's name.
Fourthly, the Gundam Wing characters are not really in character. While I have to admit that characterisation is subjective, when you have Heero bursting into laughter, Duo yelling at everyone, Wufei coming to her defense (why the hell would WUFEI do that?!)...then something is off, isn't it?
Am I being too harsh? Yes, I am. I know this is your first fanfic, but that doesn't mean you can't make it a reasonable effort. There aren't many fantastic writers out there, but there are ordinary writers who can still churn out nicely-formatted, readable, enjoyable fics.
I apologise for my above lack of tact, but you really need a lot of improvement. I'd suggest getting a beta-reader if nothing else.
Good Luck. |
