| "All I ever wanted..." Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Reviewed By: tLQ [MediaMiner Member] On: May 20, 2003 00:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
I agree with Blue September. It is a good fic, but hampered by many grammar mistakes. I don't remember the site, but you can look on google and search for a beta readers site. They offer BETA services to ppl and really help a lot of ppl.
*hugs* I'm not attacking, for it is a nice fic and we need all the Yami/Seto fics we can get. |
Reviewed By: Nita On: April 12, 2003 11:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
If you dont keep writing I'll hurt you. -waves- Brilliant. but....dude, clifties make me want to track people down and force them to write. So write. I have a shot gun. |
Reviewed By: heather On: March 25, 2003 16:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great fic. lol. I havent seen too many Kaiba/Yami. Everyone always seems to want to pair Kabia and Joey up. Which is diffently wrong! Nice plot too. oh and by the way i was just reading the other reviews...man that blue september whoever is a bitch (i didnt think the grammer was that bad......post up the next chappie soon! |
Reviewed By: heather On: March 25, 2003 16:18 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great fic. lol. I havent seen too many Kaiba/Yami. Everyone always seems to want to pair Kabia and Joey up. Which is diffently wrong! Nice plot to. |
Reviewed By: Ultblyswhtdrgn [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2003 15:52 CST
Comment/Review:
HAAA!!!!! ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE!!!! Falls over and dies..... *.* ..... WOW!!!! |
Reviewed By: Blue September [MediaMiner Member] On: March 22, 2003 15:22 CST
Comment/Review:
Okay, I'm going to review because no one deserves to be insulted like this without at least understanding why.
First understand that I think you have a good idea, but you are really bad at expressing that in words. It's okay. So am I. ;-) At the moment the grammar is so bad and in that last chapter you kept misspelling Mokuba (not MU-KO-BA). See the difference, and use the spelling and grammar feature in MS Word, please!
You've also got to work on your capitalization and punctuation. You have to capitalize the first word of every sentence, even when it's in quotations, and names as well (i.e. Mokuba not mokuba). And it's probably better to use the quotation marks (") for speech rather than apostrophes ('). It makes it easier to read.
You of course know when to use question (?) and exclamation (!) marks, but what about commas (,) and periods (.). I'm not going into great detail about commas because they are really difficult and still confuse me sometimes, but when you have a quotation/speech you tend to use them instead of full stops if the sentence is continuing on. Example: "Don't go over there," she said. Notice that because the sentence continued outside of the quotation marks with 'she said?' I used a comma and finished everything with a period. When the sentence doesn?t continue it ends normally. Example: "Don't go over there." See, now it end in a normal period.
Now for the lemon. The lemon was very mechanical. It conveyed no emotion whatsoever. It was like you read a bunch of other yaoi lemons then tried to write your own, which is probably what you did, which is what most people do, which is what I plan on doing. However, you really have to try and let your inexperience in that area show as little as possible. That's where your imagination comes in! As embarrassing as it is (even by yourself) you really have to try and imagine the situation and how you would feel, otherwise it comes out very bland. Do the same when you write dialogue. Put yourself in the character's shoes.
When you finish everything, read it over several times and make sure it makes sense.
Now please take this advice and go over all of your chapters and then repost them. I hope that it helps.
Bye.
P.S. I'm not sure if you ever did this, but: it's = it is and its = possession (like: This is its bone.) |
Reviewed By: Ultblyswhtdrgn [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2003 15:00 CST
Comment/Review:
Hello I'd love it if people Reviewed/commented please I love to hear things like that so I can improve... ^.^ hope you like it!!! |
