|
| "SENNEN: Reality of Imagination" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFRG Chapter 1
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 02, 2006 09:49 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm glad to hear that some changes are being made; because while it seems that this story has an interesting concept, the first chapter did have some errors. The most common mistakes that I saw were forgotten commas for direct address and forgotten apostrophes for possession. Also, I really believe that the first chapter could have taken a more leisurely pace. In only one chapter, these so called "teens" went through so many emotions (so abruptly) and discovered so many things that I found it difficult to get into the story. I felt as if I was being dragged by the hand, running, through this first chapter. Yet for all its abruptness, there were times when the story became tedious. In paragraph 13, the story went to-what I thought to be-unnecessary lengths to describe Jaime lending Morgan a cell phone. Overall though, I enjoyed the cliffhanger ending, and this story seems to be a good idea. Thank you for submitting to FFRG and best wishes with writing! -Dee
| Reviewed By: Nightfire [MediaMiner Member] On: September 03, 2003 00:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like this story so far and I was on FF.Hell as well and they changed my name and took out two of my storys as well. And can you if you can plz review my first story on this site plz that would be good. :) | Reviewed By: BallroomBlitz [MediaMiner Member] On: April 08, 2003 23:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
I give you my ratings when u type the shit out!!! People Must review this, I knew you were on FF.Hell, but Not MM.org! Dances and jumped and bounces around chanting, More more more more more!! Where the hell is the rest of it!?!?! |
|
|
