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| "A Night With You" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Title: I cant believe the flames
Reviewed By: Iceis [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2009 14:46 CST
Comment/Review:
Honestly I have yet to read the story, but I came into the reviews to see what was going on. The flames for this fic are so sad. The girl who obviously didnt have the guts to use her username when she flamed can just go to hell you f-ing coward. (My username is Iceis, I was just being too lazy to sign in) I have been using these sites for longer than, what did she call herself, Claire?, and I HAVE seen my share of trash, but most of the time its all in good fun. When you read a hentai (RATED X FOR GODS SAKE) you need to expect the unexpected and over the top. Get over it or get a new hobbie you ass. To the writer of this fic: These sites are meant for a creative vent. It just so happens that you chose to write about Fruits Baskets where alot of nutcase fangirls tend to believe they are actually in love and dating the men from these mangas. Your grammer is not horrible from the little in the first chapter I have read and for whatever the hell her name is to try and compare a non-professional writing to have to be like Shakespear, well she needs to 'Writers licence' up her ass. I really really want to see some of that girls writing. You go ahead and do whatever the Hell you want with Tohru, and ....omg....omg....OMG....Hatsuharu. Keep doing what your doing for the love of writing!
| Reviewed By: animegirl411 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2004 19:30 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
| Reviewed By: Holy Mackerel!!! On: June 13, 2003 10:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
Clare : WHAT IN BLAZIN' HELL IS THIS?
Okay, I'm screaming my lungs off here. All right, let me throw in my two cents and try to make sense of WHAT'S happening here.
The first chapter IS okay, mainly because Kyou's having dreams about her, so technically Tooru (or ToHru) ain't a slut. YET.
And the rest of the chapters are pure, and simple, unadulterated PIECES OF CRAP! You hear me?!! You totally butchered the extremely lovable Fruit Basket people, you made Tohru parade around the fic banging everyone like it's no one's business, and SHE'S A MINOR!! And if that's not enough... you threw... you threw... you threw HATSUHARU in there! Oh holy hell, I've read my share of kink, but this one just... totally blew me away. How old are you, seriously? Are you even LEGAL to write this stuff?
Grammar ticks me off. Oh, come on, you can do better than that. Your sentences are boring! Make them exciting. Shakespeare made up more than 300 words, why can't you join sentences or two? And check your spellings. I spotted quite a dozen of them, and the only thing I can say to you is : Get a beta reader. Or two. Or an army. Get into a school of How To Write Proper Lemon. Jesus, if you'd been threatened by a knife during kinky sex... it'd be all right if you're a guy, but I can only think of too few women (besides those crazy ones) who actually ENJOY sex. With a knife involved. Screwing a minor. TOHRU IS NOT LIKE THAT, I TELL YOU! *screams and watches birds fly out of a tree*
Get characterization right, for God's sake. I thought you got Hatori's characterization actually RIGHT when he didn't paw on Tohru, but he turns out to be the worst! Hell, I even broke my lamp upon reading Hatori coming on to Tohru like there's no tomorrow. If you're trying to set a romantic mood here, honey, then you've failed miserably. I actually cringed and couldn't bear to proceed any further. Don't take me wrong here. I enjoy well-written lemons, and even average ones, seeing that it's hard to get my hands on a good one lately, but yours just need a little more... work.
It's so not fun to see everyone banging Tohru. I can tolerate everyonexTohru to some extent, but not without reasons WHY. Horny hormones gone overstrike doesn't count, honey.
Damn, but I admit I can't write - which is why I'm kinda peculiar around spelling and grammar and such. I'm a bitch, and I know it. I have favorite stories equal to less than five fingers - yeah, I'm that picky.
Bad fics tend to pop up like weeds; WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS? *bitter*
But don't get discouraged with my flame/criticism/whatever. You can write, not as well as some, but at least better than those (newbies) in mm.org and ff.net. *glares: What? I've been around since 1999!) Just dump this worthless junk, adopt a new and fresh storyline, strengthen your grammatical skills, and we'll have a winner here. | Reviewed By: katgurl142 On: June 10, 2003 23:07 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved it! I. Loved. It. | Reviewed By: kwobtchan On: June 10, 2003 15:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was disgusting. | Reviewed By: ERSF_Clover [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2003 08:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Tohru... and slut do NOT blend well together in the same sentence. Take it from a guy who's seen the entire series and know enough to know that she isn't the type of girl who all but threw herself at the Souma boys. No wait, I take it back : in this fic, apparently, she does.
Trying to make Tohru out of some innocently slutty-bondage-queen is rather... appalling. Come on, give the girl a break here. She's dumbly innocent, I'll grant you points for that, but she's not some horny dog that goes lusting after the pants of every boy she sees. Neither do the guys, since they like Tohru too much to reduce themselves to the dogs you've characterized them in.
This is fanfiction and no one could fully characterize a character well, what you're doing is, hmm, how'd you put it, CATASTROPHIC, to put it bluntly.
First, check your spelling . In Fanfiction.net, you're allowed to do that since it's overrun by fools, but mediaminer is one of the few places where it hosts decent fanfiction. For the love of God:
Outside, he could see lightening begin to cause the sky to glow with an ethereal light.
I don't need to say anymore, do I?
Spellcheck is a very useful tool, so USE it. There's nothing more than spelling mistakes that just kills a fic.
There're a few tense errors here and there : if you're describing something in your fic, make sure to use past tense always, unless it's under special circumstances (first persons view.)
What your story needs next is PLOT. Unless your story is labelled PWP, I see no reason in why Kyou and co. had to go chasing after Tohru's panties in every chapter. The least you could do is to explain why Hatori asked Tohru out when the guy's still angsting over his old girl. Why Haru's acting a little too OOC, even when he's in black mode. Hell, why EVERYONE's OOC, especially Hatori. Bloody flurking hell, he's seducing a minor . He's a pedophile. Hatori. Is. A. Pedophile.
So is Shigure. So Ayame's next?
O.o
Characterization's basically nada. All I see is a godawful original character slapped with the name Tohru worming her way into the Soumas' undies. NOT a good idea, unless you have reasons why. It may assumably be a PWP, but I'm sorry to say, that it's a horrible PWP.
You have the potential to write, although you're a little sore around constructive grammar, admittedly. I suggest you get a beta-reader (or two) to read your works and follow their suggestions thoroughly. Butchering Fruits Basket is not the way to go, dude.
This isn't a flame, by the way - while I enjoy receiving them, I don't give them out. If you can't deal with constructive criticism, then I suggest you pay no need to what I'd just said. | Reviewed By: Statfreak On: June 09, 2003 22:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Keep this going, it's hilarious. Just please keep on updating! |
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