| "Love and war" Reviews/Comments [ 83 ] |
| Pages (6): [ « < 1 2 3 4 5 6 > » ] |
Title: For up to ch.13
Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: August 18, 2004 21:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey, If Inuyasha and Sango share the same parents, wouldn't that make her a hanyou also? The story is pretty good. However, you do forget some things that you wrote, and you end up contradicting yourself. For example: In chapter four, after the flashback, you say that the kiss Kagome received was her first. However, you clearly state that Kagome was kissed in chapter one. "This time she definitely felt his lips on hers." You do this several times throughout the story--saying one thing and then contradicting that later on. Also, the character Ling did quite a dramatic flip-flop in character. You didn't mention any bitterness before hand, and all of a sudden she and Kagome are on bad terms. You might want to smooth that out. /////////// Naraku seems a little OOC due to the fact that he's complimenting Jaken.////// Oh, another thing. You stated earlier that Inuyasha and Kikyo were on bad terms due to her slandering of his heratige. Then you put them in a heart-to-heart conversation. If any reconciliation happened, you might want to mention it before hand. ///////// Otherwise this story is decently written. Just catch those contradictions, and getting a beta-reader can help wonders. You don't often catch mistakes like those. Especially if it's been a while since you've written the story. Also, you are more likely to miss spelling and grammar mistakes when you proof-read the chapter yourself. You did have some grammar mistakes. Mostly passive voice, some commas were missinng.
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Reviewed By: Higurashi Kagome [MediaMiner Member] On: August 18, 2004 02:59 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
o god you had me in tears till i read your author message that said you were writing a squeal i haven't cried since i was like five and i'm threeteen now but your story moved me and touched-ed-ed my heart...I will be reading the squeal you can count on that and even though i know you brought Kagome back i sit here right now bawling my eyes out for the first time in along time like i metoined-ed-ed before......this story is so good and your such a great writer i have to say hands down you are the best writier if you can put me in a fit of tears...expect to see my name for the reveiws of the squeal...but be warned-ed-ed you have made me express a weak feeling and i shall be sending my flesh eating hamsters and my zombie geribels(sp?)that get droped-ed-ed off by the flying purple poop monkeys..lol don't ever stop writing your to good to stop love this stoy(i know you know it's the 100th time this review)and will share it with what little friends i have that like anime...love me^_~well you don't have to but..alittle of topic and i'm almost out of words so send me a message and talk sometime^_^
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Reviewed By: angelbabe17 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2004 20:24 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HOORAY!!!! ill read n e thing by u...ur very good
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Title: 18
Reviewed By: angelbabe17 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2004 20:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
awwwww no kagome died =( so sad
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Reviewed By: damngarfieldz On: August 16, 2004 23:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
great work! i love it. looking forward to see the ending. =]
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Reviewed By: DracoGinnyHarry [MediaMiner Member] On: July 26, 2004 00:19 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
good story
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Reviewed By: Inukame [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2004 11:26 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I like this story, I hope you update soon. I want to read more of this and know what is happening next.
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Reviewed By: Chicatude On: July 06, 2004 20:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your style of writing was absolutely fantastic but could be improved. Your spelling and grammer was good but I found many kinks. Your Originality and Creativity was outstanding though similar to some others I have read. You gave me much enjoyment and I was very pleased though slightly depressed. Now I don't want to nit pick but truely I must say you definitly need to put more details. I think the story had true potential and you do too as a writer. I don't normally write reviews unless I feel the storyline and or plot has LOTS and I put emphasis on LOTS of potential. I am a hard Reviewer because I am a professional writer and am merely 15 years old. I feel if your gonna write then you better write with a firely passion that burns brighter than hell's most innercore. You have a great deal of that and as some one once told me if you love to do something do it to your fullest extent. I myself have read over 2,000 pages and many different fanfics during my summer for sheer fun and I myself write though not on fanfiction's but my very own books and poems. I am trying to say though I am putting lots of extra info is that you could be a well known writer if that's what you want and you should go for it. But you need to concentrate on your weak points such as typo's and misspelled words and detail. Now I have one piece of advice I don't share often but because you can be a great one here goes. Your stories need to take life in you heart and the heart of your readers. Good Luck Kate!! |
Reviewed By: Haisha-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: March 29, 2004 17:20 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
There are now words to express how much I love this story!!! YOU HAVE TO UPDATE!!! If I don't find out what happens, I'll just die right now! So please, please, PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!
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Reviewed By: lemon lover On: March 16, 2004 23:50 CST
Comment/Review:
write more please yu are great writer we want more please
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Reviewed By: angelbabe17 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2004 22:11 CST
Comment/Review:
idk if ive written a review but you deserve one...god i love this story soooooooooo much!!
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Reviewed By: Seraphyn [MediaMiner Member] On: February 29, 2004 04:46 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You can't stop there. Update Update Update! My God, if I don't find out what happens to Kagome, I'm going to wither and die! >_
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Reviewed By: Miztikal_Dragon [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2004 07:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
yeah ur story was great though i wasnt too sure if u ended the story there or not. so Please update of send me the ending i would really like to know what happens. thanks Krystal. Miztikaldragon@msn.com
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Reviewed By: FireDemon86 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 06, 2004 18:32 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST STORY OF READ SO PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!
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Title: Someone read this
Reviewed By: Lady_inu On: December 29, 2003 21:07 CST
Comment/Review:
If any of you are reading this, this is from the writer of the story. MM.org is trippin so hard and i can't update at all. so for anyone who wants to read the ending go to fanfiction.net. It's under the same name. Please someone email me and let me know if you're getting this. email address is krazie_beautiful@hotmail.com
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