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| "Last Mission" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Reviewed By: deunan On: August 04, 2003 06:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ah, the perfect kind of fantasy. I liked it a lot.
Even though it's probably quite out of character, it's nice to read a story where Aya would give up his sister for Yohji. And where they can escape Kritiker.
I'm curious what painting Aya didn't want Yohji to sell. All of the ones of him? The one that Omi and Ken saw? | Reviewed By: Koji-chan On: July 28, 2003 15:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
I've read the comment of "anonymous" and have to say, that I noted these "mistakes" too, but I think you don't have to do all fics like the others...I mean isn't it good, that fics are differently (I hope you know how I mean it^^;;)?
OK, the fact with Aya's sister is right...he would NEVER leave her behind NEVER...not for the sake of Yohji too! But like I said...I think it's good, that fics are differently and not always the same...I really enjoyed it!!! *sigh* but I'm not complaining^.^...it was your criticism and they have to be made too...it's the way you see this ^_^. Hhm, maybe in this case you (@ LS2) should "give the person Aya/Ran" an OOC warning (I didn't know how to say it ^-^)...but I don't have much experience with warnings...so, I'm not sure about that ^_^!
For my part I only can say, that I LIKED IT very much...and I have to admit, that I often don't care, if there are such mistakes in the fic ^_^ through, sometimes I should do ^______^!
Ja
Koji-chan | Reviewed By: Koji-chan On: July 28, 2003 14:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
OH MY GOD...THAT WAS A WONDERFUL STORY !!! I really really like the idea, that Aya is happy now and living with Yohji...I also do like the idea, that Aya has a tan now ^_~ and that he is laughing! *Sigh* there should be more of these stories out there...I mean where the four of them live happy together without being assassins and all this shit!
I don't like, that the story has endend now^^...I would be really happy, if you could make a sequel to this...where they talk together about what Yohji and Aya experienced together and so (Ken and Omi too ^.^)...I want to see more of the lightly tanned and happy Aya *giggle*...of the two (Yo and Aya^^) kissing and loving each other ^___~! OH PLEASE...can't you make a sequel to this...pretty pretty please...I could die for it !!!!!!!!!
Ja *PLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEE*
Koji-chan | Reviewed By: anonymous On: July 28, 2003 01:19 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Two enormous plot holes ruined this for me. Why would Kritiker not say to Weiss - 'recover Yohji, but if you have to, kill him'? Killing him wouldn't stop the information he'd presumably already given over, and at least that way, they don't risk a rebellion among Weiss and losing one of their operatives? I thought that was so obviously just a plot device, and it just didn't work.
Second - Aya saying he'd give up his sister for Yohji. Never. Going. To. Happen. Do you understand the word 'obsessive'? Aya would give up *everyone* and *everything* for his sister - that's the *point* of Aya, the quintessential Aya-ness of him. And at this point, she's still in a hospital? No Way. So this was the second thing that ruined the story - it wasn't about Aya and Yohji, it was about Yohji and some other nut.
The sex in the greenhouse thing is getting a bit cliche in this fandom too. It would be nice to find an author who had another way of demonstrating love and affection between those two.
There were some typos and grammatical errors in the story which you need to tighten up on, but the real problem was the setup and the characterisation. Again, I think having a beta reader or someone go over your story who can be critical would help. | Reviewed By: StrawberryPocky [MediaMiner Member] On: July 27, 2003 23:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
I almost started crying because I thought Aya was actually going to kill Youji. ::sniffles:: I luff this fic! You did a really good job; you kept everyone IC and I felt a...'connection' with them, which means you did awesome. This is well-written with very few grammar mistakes. I'm hoping to see more of your fics...especially in the WK category. ^-^
Thanks for a good read!
~StrawberryPocky | Reviewed By: Amber Katzchen On: July 27, 2003 21:38 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I like how Aya treats Yohji. It's very sweet. Good job. Please keep writing more. |
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