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| "Sudden Momento" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: adalee222 On: September 10, 2003 17:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Tsuzuki is definitely OOC. But what should you expect from a PWP? As long as the lemon scene is good, I am happy with it.
I definitely enjoyed your fanfic. However, (you know now )many people would have been offended by Tsuzuki's attitude. Rape is always a sensitive issue. | Reviewed By: Nanaka On: September 10, 2003 14:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
You Tell 'em!! If they couldn't take a little NC then they shouldn't read the story. I loved it! Then again nothing offends me and I know very little about YNM. I'd love it if you wrote more YnM stories. | Reviewed By: Mangamazoku On: September 10, 2003 00:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
while the fic was interesting, and i must say i've never seen a fic quite like it, i have some constructive criticism for you. First off, it is true, when Hakushu's mask is off, he is visible. but shinigami can turn invisible on their own, yet i have doubts this works in Meifu, since it is not on the physical plain. Tsuzuki was seriously out of character too. I suggest reading or watching the anime before writing to get you into the mood and character. I also agree, with the above review, no lube and no stretching makes for a very unpleasant party, unless your a masacist, which we all an assume Tsuzuki is not. Also, a word of advice, lemons with odd couples work if you make it sensual. Rape however nicely displayed strikes a cord of dislike, especially amonge a predominantly female audiance. Rape is not funny or romantic, or hot and erotic, try a different situation and it will be better. I like the idea you got running here, just take it to a different playing field and you may find the reviews a little nicer, and the viewing up. Also, if Tsuzuki was gettting off on the thought of Muraki, and later found it to be Hakushu...that would get violent. Tsuzuki is not the type to be violated and let it go like nothing, he may look like a sweety and all uke in Muraki X Tsu pairings, but he is the strongest shinigami for a reason. Try again with a different angle, i would be interested to read it for sure. Don't worry, we all write some fics that just don't make par, that's how you grow as a writter. good luck! =^._.^= | Reviewed By: Imbrii On: September 06, 2003 22:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hakushaku turns visible when his mask is removed.
Tsuzuki was, essentially, raped. And you had him enjoy it. Bodily reaction or no, I don't think Tsuzuki would like being felt up by an invisible attacker. He's not in-character, which is done for the sake of making the pairing work. AU is no excuse for character abuse. Please, keep him in character.
Anal sex without lube or stretching hurts both parties. Keep it realistic, please.
I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. | Reviewed By: Nanaka On: August 23, 2003 20:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved it. I've never seen this pairing done before, and I've looked everywhere. I always love fics with out there pairing. :) |
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