Reviewed By: black beauty On: October 08, 2003 17:07 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Ok, the plot seems interesting. So much so that I'm wondering about all the refence of Dante's and Heero's past. However I think you need to change your style of writing. I think you should have some paragraphs in between and don't just have a huge block. It makes it hard to read and the fanfic is not as enjoyable. Also make sure that you use something to indicate that time has gone by. It's easier that way. Maybe have something like: * A month Later* or [A month later] Dou was screaming "Noooooooooooo, we have no ice cream." Speaking of the characters talking, make sure you tell the readers in advance how thoughts or spoken words will be distinguished. Also you may want to indicate who is saying what, and don't just assume the reader will be able to follow the conversation. Trust me it's alot funner to enjoy a fanfic if the style is a bit more clean. I know, I know... I'm ranting, and probably alot. But this is the first fanfic I read where Heero has a son and Dou finds himself in this situation and well I'm so darn curious. But at the same time I don't want my eyes to hurt! Anyways if you think I have offended you, Sorry. I was just giving my opinion and just so you I'm looking forward to reading more of this fanfic. Keep it up and update soon!
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