Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: February 05, 2005 02:05 CST
Comment/Review:
While your story seems like it has potential, I want to point out a few things. Naraku is spelled... Naraku ... you should pay more attention to paragraphs, since you should use a new one for every change of speaker, and you need to watch out for OOC, as Kagome doesn't swear, ever. She can't even say the word 'butt' without blushing. It's also a good idea not to insert author's notes mid-chapter since that tends to throw off concentration, as well. It really seems like you tried, and I think you could make this a good story. Perhaps a beta reader would be worth looking into, since they can help with grammar and spellings, and can help to make sure characters stay in character as well. Good luck!
|
