| "EVER AFTER" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] |
Reviewed By: Ditany [MediaMiner Member] On: October 31, 2009 03:30 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good first attempt, your idea is interesting, I hope you continue writting. There is much room for improvement. If you just read over what you wrote it will help you figure out most of your mistakes. The errors with names and everything else are just a matter of familiarizing with the story. Taking some time to get some of the basics straight will only help your work. Good luck
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Reviewed By: blackice3036 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 19, 2005 17:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter another chapter pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Reviewed By: w_j [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2005 20:59 CST
Comment/Review:
You need to work on your writing skills in keeping the narration style consistent. Also, Naraku is half-youkai so he does not have spiritual powers and cannot use spell scrolls. Monks and mikos (like Miroku and Kagome) use spell scrolls, not youkai. Also, Naraku is hanyou just like Inuyasha so he would not call Inuyasha a "worthless hanyou". There are several other mistakes, such as, according to the anime Kirara is a female, not a male, and other minor errors about the series that you may want to change/check by learning more about the Inuyasha anime and manga. Don't explain anything in parenthesis, instead make an author's note at the end to let readers know what a word means. This is not a flame. I am trying to help you and encourage you to improve. Keep practicing your writing and I'm sure you will improve. You have done pretty well with your first fanfic. Good luck and I'd like to see more from you.
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Reviewed By: CaptKutch82 On: February 26, 2004 22:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good work! I loved it from beginning to end...... I liked the finishing of Naraku( h/e u spell that) and the suspense of the entire writing. The end seemed kind of stereotypical when Kagoma just "came back to life", but the suspense was brought back to me when she had to leave.
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Reviewed By: CaptKutch82 On: February 26, 2004 22:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
VERY nice job.....I have never actually watched an episode of inyuasha( i only heard about it from friends) and the characters and the action seem awesome....In all I think this fan fic kicks ass and i'll b sure to start watching inyuasha once my cable gets hooked up. I think this fanfic fulfills its purpose in wanting to read more and learn more about the anime.
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Reviewed By: Stryyder On: February 03, 2004 16:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice job. Looks like it could get interesting(provided Kagome finds some way to get back). The only advice I would have is simply grammatical. Stick to one tense when you are writing. What I mean is that you began Ch. 1 with "Inuyasha did this" "Kagome did this" obviously in the past tense. The second chapter switched back and forth between Present and Past tense going "Inuyasha did this""Narakas is doing this". I'd keep to Past tense throughout the entire story, makes it a little more flowing.
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