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| "Karma Police" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: Maigo [MediaMiner Member] On: May 30, 2005 04:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Birman or Manx's -it's unclear who's speaking- line in ch 5 ("Persia...with all due respects, you shouldn't be here.") made me think "Omi" should have replied with "Nor should you, as you are both dead." ::giggle:: The story has a good base -Yohji regaining memories, Kritiker still existing- but at the moment Yohji kills "Asuka", it loses its momentum - or maybe I should say it gains too much momentum? Events happen too quickly for one thing. The way Weiß and the Kritiker agents meet up comes off a bit awkward and there are a few "fangirly" moments had by the characters (Yohji shrieking 'Omittichi' for one), but there are moments in each chapter that are quite good. I noticed that you planned to edit your verb-tense switches; one thing I'd recommend with tense is to *not* write in the present "Manx shoots an angry glare at Omi" tense, it usually sounds awkward to the reader, or as if one is reading a role-play script. Also, author's notes should really go at the end of a chapter instead of in the middle of the story itself. For the most part though things are written fairly well stylistically. I realize you wrote this over a year ago at this point, but if you ever feel like editing/rewriting any of it, those are a few of my thoughts. Mediaminer can't find any other fics by you, but I hope you wrote more ~ especially if it's Aya & Yohji :)
| Reviewed By: Flamingolo [MediaMiner Member] On: January 16, 2005 11:54 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Excellent fic, very nice combination of humor and angst. Love that you picked Karma Police for the main song, I love it and it fits nicely with the plot. So easy to see Aya smugly saying "This is what you get when you mess with us". There were some parts that had me laughing my ass off, in particular, one of the later chapters that had Ran saying "He got shot." and Yohji's retaliation of "hn". Very funny, great job!
| Reviewed By: ziggy stardust [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2004 16:44 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay, I'm sorta new at reviewing and to Mediaminer.Org in general, but... I really like this fanfic. Not just because of the pairing, but I like the way you portray them. =D I think Ran has a bit of a soft side that he doesn't show, and I really like the pairing of Yohji x Aya or Aya x Yohji because of the chemistry they have. Few of the WK fics feature them and even less of them are any good; Congratulations, I'm favoriting this and you =D
| Reviewed By: deunank [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2004 06:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow. Only one review. I'm shocked again. Anyway, great story! Really Yohji and Ran's thoughts as Yohji starts to remember. Not so interested in the Omi/Ken plotline. Laf. That's just my bias though. Kind of fun to see Aya perceptive and Omi know that Aya is perceptive. Does Aya know that Ken likes Omi? I forgot. I'll have to go back and read the story over.
| Reviewed By: Inori_Sakura [MediaMiner Member] On: January 29, 2004 12:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Sugoi! I loooove this fic! more! more! must have more! Please, UPDATE! Love ya! Ja ne!
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