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| "Homeless" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: phillie On: May 10, 2004 12:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Alright, you may think this is harsh, but your writing style needs some improvement. Some sentences are kind of confused, probably because you wanted to express a lot of things in one sentence and got a bit mixed up. If English is not your mother tongue, go for easier and shorter sentences, it's better to sound a little too simple than to be confusing. Reading and continuing to write will help you improve, and after all you're not so bad off. You certainly have the basis to become a good writer. Spelling and grammar can use a bit of polishing too, since you lose track of the tense your are using sometimes and mispell a few words. Again, reading a lot is the solution. As for the story in itself, I find it beautiful, though I read only the first 2 chaps so far. I especially like the prologue and Saori's fight against Athena, and the image of all the victims of the war looking at her and unable to even hate anymore. It's a very striking idea. The only thing I lament is that this fic should be labelled as AU, because you certainly changed a few things. First, Shun Rei is not Shiryu's sister. She's simply a girl abandoned in Rozan and picked up by Dokho, who raised her. And most of all, I saw in chap 2 that Dokho is still alive. Unfortunately all the goldies died before the end of the war with Hades, all of them. That includes Dokho, who is the Libra Gold Saint. So, if you want to use him you either have to label your fic as AU or explain why he is alive again. This far you only explained that Seiya was revived. Oh, well, all in all it's an enjoyable fic, as I already said. I'm sure you will make it even better by the end. I will go on reading when I have a bit more time. I hope this review was helpful to you.
| Reviewed By: nekoji-chan On: April 27, 2004 16:15 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm really sorry that Shiryu and Hyoga had to know what happened to their little brother like that...what their reaction would be? Post the next part soon please I have to know!!
| Reviewed By: nekoji-chan On: April 24, 2004 04:33 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Original dark and full of angst, I really like your fic!
| Title: Awww......
Reviewed By: Kilisan@hotmail.com On: April 17, 2004 16:28 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nooooo! I can't believe you left me on that cliff hanger....awww, poor Seiya....But I have to say that this is a really good story. Please, I repeat, please finish it!
| Reviewed By: XotakuX On: April 13, 2004 06:13 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
A very interesting story,so dark and emotional.Post more soon please!
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