Title: Oh, my...
Reviewed By: Bedlam14 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2004 18:40 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hello. Ah, where to begin... I'm not trying to bash your fic, but... The Mary Sue thing is so not fun. You may be wondering why you have no reviews? That's why. You have a Mary Sue, dear, and you need to start over. Furthermore, it's incredibly not a good idea to say how stunning and perfect and wonderful your character/shameless-self-insertion is. Try showing it in the way the characters act towards her, instead of telling your audience. BUT! Please, please, don't go into the OOC realm. Your portrayals of the one old character in the chapter weren't as bad as they could be, so I'll give you that. However: As a wise and smart fangirl once told me, back when I too wrote Mary Sues into the plot like they were dying of a horrible illness, "People didn't come to read about your wonderful, fabulous character. They came to read about the ORIGINAL game/show/book characters. Hence the term FANFIC, not ORIGINAL FICTION." Sorry if I seem too harsh, but it's better than no review, right?
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