|
| "The new Keyblade user" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: ...pie
Reviewed By: remuus [MediaMiner Member] On: June 26, 2005 01:39 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
With some work, this fic could become alot better. First is the spelling/grammer. Most of it is very good, but a few slipped through the cracks. Another thing is the style... erm... for example- you could make the description of Jennifer intergrated with the story, not just a chunk of writing like \"beautiful 18-year-old girl with long silver hair, gold colored eyes, and a tiny frame.\" Also, the dialouge- it seemed well... flat and straight out of a cheesy novel. I.E.- \"Oh AJ. Of course I\'ll be your wife if you\'ll accept all my faults and difference.\" (grammer mistake too...) And last but not least... very Mary Jane-ish. She\'s too perfect- that makes some people not relate to her... and stuff. Anyways... yeah.
| Title: Constructive Criticism
Reviewed By: The 7th Toprahim [MediaMiner Member] On: March 29, 2004 22:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 2 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
Uh...huh. It's a flat setting. Work some more on it; details, spelling, style, and not everyone finds the new girl attractive. Jennifer's like every other female character to walk out of the mass-production factory, but a good owner can really work on her strong /and/ weak points. A good author is also true to emotion and realism based on a fictional level, not manipulation to suit the 'perfect girl's overall status as hot-man-magnet. Give this chapter another shot, after you learn some more tricks.
| Title: Awesome!
Reviewed By: HotsummerYami [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2004 20:46 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Kool! Update! I want to read more!!!!!UPDATE!!!!
|
|
|
