Reviewed By: silverdemon87 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 14, 2004 12:05 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay... you've got me confused. @~@ I don't know if this is AU or in original time cuz I'm pretty sure that they didn't have heart monitors back then... Anyways, you were a little quick to rush during the action portions of your fic, choppy in a way. Here's a suggestion: Try drawing out the thoughts of the characters as they proceed to the scene. Not necessarily putting in apostrophes or in italics but more like half in thoughts but still describing the scene. It has a lot more impact and will kinda capture the readers. The Tomoe thing... yeah kinda hard to link it. You've done it but you just need to make it stronger so that it is so obvious that you would be stupid NOT to notice it. I know. I'm writing a fic linking Tomoe to Kenshin's present life too. If you want sort of an example to see what I mean by half the thoughts of the character, take a look at mine. Mind you, you don't HAVE to take my advice. That's just my opinion. o_0 HOLY WINGER-DINGERS!!! I'VE TAKIN' SO MUCH DARN SPACE... oops. ^^;; hehe... NE ways... that's about it so... later.
|
