Reviewed By: Omega_Red9 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 07, 2005 23:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I would like to start off by saying that I am not a big fan of action fics. That being said, please do not take the relatively low grade that I gave your work to heart. The whole thing is far too short. I know how terrible action cartoons can get when they draw out action sequences, but come on, this is ridiculous. I would highly suggest using some more literary genre work in the story. For example, you could easily elaborate greatly on the relationship between Hei and Kurama, or you could go into more detail about Kuwabara's training. Simply saying that he trained for two weeks is very broad and undescriptive. I suppose I can understand the short action sequences because most realistic fights are over pretty quickly, so I will let that one go. But for future works, you need to remember that if all you are giving the reader is action, then you need to give them ACTION. That would be a good start. Now while I did not like the particular action sequences, you are still an action writer. I personally worry about my skills with that aspect more then any other and I would greatly appretiate any comments that you could give me on my action writing ability. I look forward to hearing anything you have to say.
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