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| "Tom`s Classic Shorties" Reviews/Comments [ 20 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 > » ] | Title: Needs work.
Reviewed By: ssjheero [MediaMiner Member] On: April 26, 2004 19:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'll go through it by rating: Style: Your writing did not really have a style. Maybe it's because you haven't been writing for a long time, unlike me. Once you right for a while, you'll start to add your own way of saying things into the fic, so keep writing. Spelling: Just a few spelling problems here and there, and I'm having problems with lacks of spaces between sentences. Originality: The plot doesn't sound very original so far; it seems to be a straight up continuation with Meteor and the character's kids. The action seems to be based around the two artifact swords, and you could have done a lot with the story if you hadn't revealed that Sephiroth Jr. had another one yet. Enjoyment: Overall, I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't dislike it. It was mediocre, and just needs some work to be better. Overall: There are just some problems; I assume Zack had a golden chocobo, since he was able to get to Nibelheim in a hurry despite it being on a different continent. You should expand narration to say a lot more. (For example, the narration in the story could have explained Cid becoming quieter instead of a note at the end.)
| Reviewed By: Lhiannan-Sidhe [MediaMiner Member] On: April 26, 2004 15:33 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
"Owning a chocobo costs a lot gil….wait!I`m a thief….let`s keep it,"Yuffie said happily. That little bit had me smiling for awhile I thought I was gonna die laughing. Over all as sephlier says whatch for the format and grammer errors. Thats one thing that will get you flamed (Sorry about the other one ^_^;; but it happens I know I get Flamed alot but look on the bright side not all flames are bad) Other then that I dun know what else to say.
| Title: Speakin 4 a freind
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 23, 2004 09:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
Got milk?
| Title: Okay, Here's The Deal
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2004 18:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I, too, have noticed your jumbled dialogue. You DO need to break up each quotation. I was never really good with puncuation so I have the same problem, on and off, with commas and such so I'm not going to critique you on it. Your certain problems slipped passed me the first few times and I am sorry for missing this. My only "excuse" for this is the problems that I am faced with right now as of this day...and weekend. I have a lot on my mind and I can touch on this more on a "one on one" conversation via AIM if you really want to know...(I JUST downloaded AIM...I really don't like the program but if it might help you with your writing than I guess that I will keep it...not meaning to sound heartless or anything). Like your reviewer Amy, I, too, can be brutally honest. I do not mince words, be prepared. One thing that I would like to touch on, briefly, would be my other fan fic Reverie (this is not for self promotion, believe it or not). I am using that particular fic as a possible guide for you. It does skip around because of it being incomplete but I feel throughout the story it has quite a bit of "heart" behind it. What is shown/shared is close to being three years old. I honestly think it is my best work and I refer to each section over and over again. Each chapter marks a bunch of "firsts" for me, including comedy ("Reno's Good Day"). My AIM screen name is the same as every other name I go by in this vast internet realm: sephlier. To be perfectly candid with you, why did you end this story so quickly? I am actually quite a bit upset with the speed towards the ending. The Highwind wasn't the only thing with "hyper-speed." Please, I am not flaming you. If you plan to make any changes to lengthen this fic...or correct mistakes I will help you as best as I can, just don't expect me to rewrite it for you. I might also suggest seeking help from your other reviewers as well (ChibiSephy and AmyAnderson45). They obviously have faith in you also. Inumoon (?)...spelling...if wrong sorry, I think might help you also, I just noticed this person's name and am unfamiliar with types of stories by this person. I recommend these people but please understand that they can be rather busy also, very much like myself. I have been out of school for close to ten years and am in the job scene as of this moment, I will do my best to help you, please be aware. Your questions that you eluded to in my Awakening fanfiction do not need to be included in a review...I have AIM now so I can direct you to files and sites that will better direct you to the answers you seek, yes-no. I assume you read everyone's fanfic but as for Amy's I'm not sure. I have read everything up to her latest chapters/sections (quite a few times)and even a story which she has taken down, you may want to check into her work(s) also. I am glad that you have decided to follow any curiousity you might have about writing and the people that have generously decided to offer you advice. In spite of the shortness of this story you have shown that you do care about writing. As for my ratings to you: I do feel that your "Orininality/Creativity" in the introduction of this story to the world of fanfiction is rather original. I have already explained my views on how my first experiences with other peoples fanfictions have forever damaged me...well, almost. You last chapter raises one big question for me and this will explain the other ratings and why they went lower than the previous ones I gave you: Did you plan this story to be so short or did you find that you just could not continue the interest in it? This thought I ran over and over in my head as soon as I clicked on the link and saw that things kind of went downhill...I would never have come to this conclusion if it weren't for a review by ChibiSephy. Please, I have had a rough day and I AM NOT bashing or flaming you. Since I have it now, you can AIM me at my screen name (sephlier). I WILL help you as best as I can because I do see potential!!! ~sephlier (oh, too, I will answer your questions on AIM...this review ended up plenty longer than I had intended it to)
| Title: You could change your settings.
Reviewed By: Amy (I hate this stupid logging thingy!) [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2004 16:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Tom RO 911, you could just change your settings so that every time you get a review you (meaning yourself) wouldn't have to review in order to see other reviews. It will automatically send you a review in your e-mail instead. Try it and see what happens.
| Title: thank u
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2004 09:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
MORE REVIEWS YYYYAAAYYYY!!!!!
| Title: hmmm...yello(hello) XD ^_^
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2004 21:07 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Leave it to the chocobo *heh-heh* This sounds silly, but that's actually cute! Not that it matters but I have been hit with a stroke of difficulty, so my reading/reviewing time is not as frequent as it was...hopefully this will change...Now on with the reasons for ratings *ahem*: I'm going to go easy on the spelling. There are a few mistakes but nothing that would seem to be random letters thrown in for the sake of trying to make a word. Your dialogue is getting longer (I read into one of your recent reviews) and I really did enjoy the short training session with Tian (I like that name...I hate Dragonball but I love the character that has a similar name). Your most recent chapter has indeed shown signs of you slowing down a bit. That's good. I need to go back and try to get a better understanding of Fiona (I've been away so details about her in my memory are extremely sketchy). I do like her words concerning the date. I won't go back into the detail "musings" of earlier reviews...although my thoughts on that topic are unchanged. It's never too late *laughs* REPENT, REPENT *tee-hee* You ARE getting stronger with your writing!!! I notice that your updates are slowing down as well. I probably sound like the world's biggest wench right now but I feel these changes are and have been for the better. I've noticed you have gone back through some of your other stories too. My random leave from this place was a "real life issue" and had nothing to do with a loss of interest in any of your works, just so you know. See, you still have viewers ^_^
| Title: omg!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 18, 2004 08:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
i am ticked!whenever i get a review...i have to make a new one to see the new ones.
| Title: Confused, Confused...well not really.
Reviewed By: Amy (Back from hectic College life) [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2004 19:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hi, my name is Amy! How are you? Haven't seen you around, so you must be new here...I'm guessing. Anyway, your chapters aren't so bad really and neither is the plot. However, that dialogue is lacking a bit. You might consider breaking it up a little or spacing them out so it's not so confusing. Another thing I noticed is that a majority of your sentences are quite short. They end so quickly that it makes it seem like the fanfiction itself is going at a rapid pace. Try adding a few more descriptions to your sentences to create more realism. It seems that your doing pretty well so far, since you've got like eleven reviews already. Just don't let it get to your head though. You shouldn't be writing just for reviews. I would hope that you're writing because you enjoy writing or because you need constructive criticism from others. Reviews aren't everything, but I wish you the best of luck Sir Tom RO 91!
| Title: Special Edition
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 16, 2004 14:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i just wanna let you guys know that I made a special edition to my story.
| Reviewed By: inumoon3 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2004 20:10 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree w/ Chibi Sephy why did you make Sephiroth have a kid? But anyway I like your story but it needs so much more detail, but hey I could live w/o it. So just update faster or else I won't update my Kingdom Heart fic! *Sticks out tongue*
| Title: I luve this
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2004 18:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
ok this is annoying.the only way i can can view new reviews is 2 make my own!
| Title: Another Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Sephy [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2004 18:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
So sorry about my last review! XD I completely forgot about it cutting off with that one smiley... *sighs* Anyway, like Sephleir, I noticed that your chapters are getting a bit short, like you're rushing things. T_T;; I still like this fic and everything, but I would recommend using at least one thousand words per chapters. It makes it seem more like a novel. I dislike gigantic chapters, yet I don't like really short ones. We won't forget you if we must wait a week for a new chapter! Believe me! This story is on my favorites, and you\'re on my favorite authors list. So everytime you update, I see right off. If it's for a better chapter than what we will get otherwise, then I, and others I'm sure, will appreciate it. I'm not bashing you though. Back in my earlier days of fanfiction, on FF.net, I had three fanfictions running, and I was updating one day each day. When I was finished and looked back at them, I realized that I hated them. I adored the storyline that I started with; but I hated the fic that I ended up with. Now, with my fanfiction I'm writing now, I'm taking my time. I know my fanfictions are still far from perfect, but it's much better than my previous works. It'll wear you down if you update too fast also. ;D I got writer's block for a long time afterwards... X_x Anyway, in words of praise, I like Zack. ^_^ *Grins cheesily*
| Title: thank u
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2004 14:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Thankyou people the reviews.I came up with this story like a year ago.I`m waiting to finish this one to make many more stories.
| Title: Yer Moving Way Too Fast!!!
Reviewed By: *Arrrgh, Again With The Not Logged In* sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2004 19:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Okay, here's what's going on, now. I am seeing, a change in the story. You have sped it up so it's moving way too fast!!! People are popping up all over and all that's mentioned is their name. I read, somewhere, that you want to make it longer. You probably noticed that I am a detail addict when it comes to writing (stories, reviews, etc). I honestly feel it is necessary to give a visual *maybe, that's not the right word* description. It's no good imagining stick figures. Give them hair, make them overweight or underweight, give one of them a limp, a bad attitude, acne or dimples, make one tall or make one out to be an elf *maybe, I didn't need to say all this* Don't be afraid to describe your characters, especially your original ones!!!! I like the fact that the scion of Cloud and Aeris is named Zack. I find this both extremely touching and disheartening. It says to me that both, mother and father/husband and wife, wanted to honor the memory of the spiky black haired SOLDIER and, also, in a way, found themselves not able to let go of his memory (I would say this would be more on Cloud's part than anything else)...there is a quote in Final Fantasy: Advent Children (available on DVD in Japan) where Cloud walks along the outskirts (almost beaches)of the ruins of Midgar and shoves the buster sword into the dirt. He begins to have thoughts about Zack and the experiences they shared and how it might have been if he survived. Aeris, in the game, had obviously moved on...I digress... Don't "trust" "he used to be a Turk" as a phrase that will/should serve as both an introduction and a background history (might I also add, especially when it comes to an original character...it's not safe to assume that the reader knows automatically who you're talking about). Make this new addition to the Final Fantasy realm someone you can instantly fall in love with, hate, tolerate or feel indifferent about. Honestly, im meiner opinion, that's all you need to give them life and make them believable!!! Your stories are NOT bad!!! All you need is to slow it down and give some kind of detail. My next issue, besides the speed of your story, is the speed of your updates. Don't be afraid to let your story fall back a couple levels on mediaminer. You WILL still get views/reads!!! Just because you don't appear on the front or at the top of the updated/new stories doesn't mean you are forgotten!!! A friend of mine read your story and let me know what he thought might help you. He said that you should "put it aside for a couple of days then reread it." Than you might see things that you might not have noticed when you first wrote it. As stated earlier, this is not a BAD fic. All I am putting forth is my own opinion. I am not flaming you (hopefully, you see this in my ratings for you). You, as the author, can do what you want with this story. ChibiSephy *don't mean to put her on the spot* has offered some excellent insight too in her reviews. I have yahoo for IM purposes. I will try and add you as a friend/buddy if you use that form of instant messaging (I need to change my IM screen name in my bio for yahoo...it is actually: tschi_uwe. I only use sephlier when I am checking email.) You, despite the length of it, had a strong first chapter!!! With a few revisions (detail, pace,etc.) this has the potential to become an excellent fanfiction!!! It doesn't matter how old/young you are!!! One of the secrets to my stories (besides the fact that I haven't had an English course in close to ten years >< *boog*) is that (this may sound girlish/girly) I listen to alot of music (in many different languages, genres and from many different countries) to help me establish the mood in the story or how much I wish to tell my reader and at what time. This might help you or might not...just felt like offering. You ARE getting stronger in your writing. *sorry for making this so long* ~sephlier
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