Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: April 23, 2004 09:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hmmm. I like it. However, there are a few problems. First, you have to lay off of the inserten author's notes. If people don't know what a word is, then, if they care, they'll look it up. Sometimes you can stick in a piece of information, but it's better to get the information across somehow in the story. Maybe by starting with a description of the government and how youkai came to be powerful. Or later. The reader doesn't have to know everything right away. Other little inserted author's notes like (AN: awww, poor inu *crys*) is just distracting and it takes away from the story. I suggest that you keep your author's notes till the end. Or the beginning. Whatever floats your boat. ///////////////// The second thing that REALLY bothers me, when ANY author does it. Is the "woah, where did that thought come from?" thing after a sutibly posessive thought. Even if Inuyasha is a hanyou, and has youkai instincts, he shouldn't be feeling all posessive right away. I know its fun to think about, and I won't stop you from doing it, but you gotta lay off the "Woah! where did that thought come from?" things. *sigh* And that's about it. Keep up the good work! I like the story so far!
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