Reviewed By: Mishkin On: May 16, 2004 17:40 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Alright. If you don't mind a little constructive crit... It's an interesting, original story, not badly written at all. But it does need a bit of cleaning up. Do you have a beta-reader, by any chance? If not, I would be glad to do it [I'm on KG, so you could contact me from there], or you could get one of your friends to do it. I do like how you made Yuugi and Jounouchi wary of thinking that they might like each other, with the "am I gay?" and other such thoughts. Typically, a person doesn't admit to their feelings/sexuality right away, and you did a pretty good job of that. It could've gone a bit slower, but otherwise it was good. You did rush on a few parts, such as the Anzu and Honda possible get-together and other such things. And at some points, the story doesn't exactly flow: like the abrupt switching of view points [although sometimes that can't be helped, especially when the POV switches are necessary to the story]. There are also some parts where you've forgotten a period or a quotation mark, but not often. Another thing; sometimes you tend to make the characters a little bit OOC. It's not too bad, though, and a lot better than quite a few authors. And maybe you could save all author commentaries for after the story? You know, next to the things you want to comment on, put a number inside parenthesis and at the end, list the numbers and comment. All slight mistakes aside, it's still a pretty good story, and I look forward to more from you! ^_~
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