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| "Sephiroth`s Return" Reviews/Comments [ 15 ] | Reviewed By: Ardwynna [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2004 21:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Sigh...Tom, PLEASE learn to put spaces after your punctuation marks, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. It's not just proper format. It increases the readability of your story. This thing hurts my head too much for me to actually be able to read it to comment on the plot. Another tip to increase the professionalism of your format - don't put Author's Notes in the body of the story. Put them all at the top or the bottom. They break up the flow of the story when inserted in the middle. One last tip to help you see your reviews. All you have to do is clear the browser cache. Just click 'Tools' then 'Internet Options', go to the 'General tab' and choose 'Delete Files'. 'Internet Options' is accessed under 'Settings' if you're using AOL. When you're through with that, reload the page. It's quicker than it sounds. Good luck with later works!
| Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
thank you for the nice reviews!im having alot of fun with this fic!Please continue reviewing!
| Reviewed By: Little Neko [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
mondo weird.... oh well.. keep writing...
| Reviewed By: Little Neko [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
::sweatdrops:: hehehehehe... i always hated Red... i don't know why... oh well
| Reviewed By: Little Neko [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
vollyball.. wow... and the yuffster and vincie kissin!! ooooooooooooh dun dun duuuuuuuuuuh...
| Reviewed By: Little Neko [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
HAHAHAH and chapter 2!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!! keep writing...
| Reviewed By: Little Neko [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 20:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
heh heh... here's the review to chappie 1! good start!! keep going!!
| Title: Guess whos bak.....bak agen guess whos bak tell a freind!
Reviewed By: Tom RO 91 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2004 14:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
hey ive been grounded so now im bak and redy to rite!!!!!!!(or type)
| Title: I Honestly Had No Idea That You Put Another Chapter In
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2004 16:38 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I am glad that you do like Leira *blinks repeatedly, still in shock* Chapters 3 and 4 are a little confusing. They are moving along a little quicker but because of the formatting problem almost every event is jumbled together. For the battles you do not have to keep them apart from the rest of the story. I will say that I am glad that you are keeping up with the tradition of random encounters, though. I have found that for some reason mine is lacking that "flair." You may want to read back through your chapters...it looks like chapter 5 was just a duplicate upload of chapter 4. It's interesting how you have decided to use Leira. I'm not used to seeing her name in other stories o-0 outside of mine own *as stated I don't have a problem ^_^* Something else that you may need to know for your revisions: The girl in Rocket Town that has a life-debt with Cid is called Shera. Leira's last name is Thompson (Lieandra Jonah Thompson in full...you chose the short name that's fine ^_^) Something else you might want to look out for is the use of author's notes *A/N* after you get your answers I would go back through and remove anything that bears that likeness. It won't be needed after all questions are answered, yes? Oh, yes, Vincent's former lover (in turn Sephiroth's mother) was Lucrecia. One more thing: I'm not a firm reader of "Yuffentine" in the game he really can not stand her (if you chose to go to Wutai with Vincent in your party and decide to take Barett into your group after he points out that the materia has been stolen...Vincent takes several potshots at her after the whole Wutai scene...he despises Yuffie) *still it is your story ^_^;...*cough* do what you want* Well, sorry for the min-rant. I'd just watch out for the author's notes use as well as the formatting-try to clean it up a bit just like your first chapter and take another look at chapter 5...you might have thought you had an uploading problem and decided to send it through again. Welcome back to mediaminer!!! If you have anymore questions I'll be around ^_^ ~sephlier
| Title: HEEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEEY!!!
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2004 15:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
"'And Leira really was something,'Cloud drooled." ^_^ *ish in a fit of hysterics* YAY!!! *she ish something ishn't she* Uhmm...All I can ask is "Why did you want to use her in the first place?" That's fine though, I don't mind. You asked first before you used her. I just didn't expect she'd end up here-in this story!!! I'm glad she has a small fan following ^_^ she's my favorite female original character *even if I do say so myself* I'm glad to see you updated!!! It's moving along at a slower pace then the other stories you have, which is good!! Your dialogue went back to being extremely close together with little if no break between speakers. What happened to the formatting in the first chapter? It looks so clean and crisp compared to this one... The dialogue matter effected my ratings for the story (at least this chapter). I can't really picture "The Great Sephiroth" using the word "dude" though...I read somewhere he well into his late 40's/early 50's *can't remember site right away* but the rest of what he had to say seemed about right. Uhmmm...being the way I am and especially a girl-I am not partial to the use of "honey" when bringing into light any kind of pairing (married or otherwise) Sorry, it's probably only me though. It just didn't seem right between Cloud and Tifa *again, it's probably just me so don't worry about it 'kay ^_^* Well you can continue to use Leira if you wish I don't mind ^_^ I'll let you know if I have a problem with anything *still in shock* I'm glad to see that you have kept writing and have added to this story!!! Welcome back!! ~sephlier
| Title: hi tom
Reviewed By: tinkerbell18230 On: May 07, 2004 19:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
lol..umm hi!
| Reviewed By: Link, the hero of time On: May 06, 2004 19:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
plez conteny a.s.a.p. thankes good day
| Title: Everlast Comin' Back From The Dead...To Review? (sorry just love House Of Pain)
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: May 01, 2004 22:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
"Where am I to start with?" You do not need "with" in this quote. Forgive me, it's been almost ten years since I've been out of highschool, but you need to space out your sentances. I believe it's supposed to be one space after a comma and two spaces after a period. Just because it's me (it might be...just me) I think you have used the words "swimming" and swim way too much in your opening paragraphs. Here's what I mean: "He swam forever feeling the thrill of swimming through the water." This might be the "lame-est" thing you've heard but this is just a suggestion: "He swam forever," experiencing the thrill of his naked body passing "through the water." It's just a suggestion. Sephiroth's sword was called Masamune...but it is your story so you can do what you please with it! The sword was named for two warring spirits Masa (not the lead singer of Spiky) and Mune, if my world history classes serve me right(I think one was supposed to have something to do with wind...*man, it seems like it's been thiry years since high school _-_ *dies**) I'm not going to "nit pic" at where he got the sword (while playing all of the American Final Fantasy releases with the exception of Final Fantasys eleven and twelve, weapons seem to materialize in characters hands from seemingly thin air. "he dropped the blade and put his hands over his head.Sephiroth bent over and just lied there." This might read better like: "He dropped the blade" and raised his hands high above his head. Sephiroth bent as he started to sprawl himself out on the hot sand of the beach. Just a note: I used quotation marks to credit you with the original wording of your story. If you think what I had to offer might help you than by all means use what I put into this review. If you think it will help you with corrections. On another note (but it still pertains to this very review): Do NOT confuse low ratings as flames. Everyone has their opinion and they are entitled to it. The ones that truly have something to say actually back up their ratings and comments, anyone with a "I've seen better dog crap" or "Geez, I think I lost my soul. This was so bad" shouldn't be commenting in the first place. Nine out of Ten times a flamer's stories aren't much better than the ones that they have chosen to "dog." Or they just have nothing better to do with their time. Either way, comments of any sort (contructive or otherwise) should NOT have anything to do with your decision to continue writing or not. In actuallity, that decision is yours and ONLY yours to make. Keep in mind, when you write a fanfic and post it on any site you are bound to get comments of some form or other. *man, I've said this almost three times this week...it's still true, though* If you must know, I have been reading each of your stories because I WANT TO! I'm reviewing you stories because I WANT TO and I LIKE WHAT I AM READING (mistakes or story traveling too quickly, it doesn't matter) This particular selection shows signs of taking it's time...all that's needed is for you to do the same. Put a little research into Sephiroth or at least the location of this story...*words WORDS*...build it up. You don't have to write any of this in...but how did Cloud become mayor? Was it because he assumed ownership of the former Shinra villa? Was it because he indirectly defeated Sephiroth at the end of the game? What feelings does he have for Sephiorth, since (obviously) time has passed (this is NOT a question pertaining to yaoi)...sometimes people feel differently about others that they feel have "wronged" them...there have been several murder cases where the victim's family wishes for the accused/guilty to live life in prison instead of sending them to the gas chamber, electric chair, firing squad, etc. Does he still hate the man or has he decided to be forgiving...or might he have just lost interest in holding onto any judgements and just moved on and "forgotten"? Now, here's something else that I noticed: *pardon this shameless outburst...this is "so not like me"* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! This latest chapter looks sooooooo much better, in terms of formatting!!! What did you do? It looks "cleaner." This is how the other stories should look also!!! Just remember what I said earlier about seperating you sentances after a comma and period. (one space comma, two space period) When you get that taken care of this will look so much better!!! It's already started out to be an interesting story!!! Yeah, I'm a shame-less Sephy fangirl (ya gotta problem wit dat?!) Well I'll be waiting for you correction and/or your next chapter!! ^_^ Please keep going and don't let anyone stand in your way!!! In the words of Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush "Don't give up, you worry too much." ~sephlier
| Title: Good first effort
Reviewed By: Ardwynna [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2004 16:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's not a bad idea, not entirely original, mind you, but not bad. Unfortunately you really do need to work on the mechanics of your writing. That means to make sure you cover the basics like checking the spelling, starting a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes and especially, put a space after every period, because as it is, the sentences all run together and are very hard to read. After you get that under control, maybe you could see about expanding the descriptions and development so the chapters aren't so short. Good luck!
| Reviewed By: Lettheworldgo On: April 29, 2004 21:14 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good so far, but too short if you ask me...though I really do like the fact that he was naked ::eyes start to water in ecstasy:: Yummyness!! Anywho, good so far and continue soon.
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