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| "Dangerously in Love" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: Tis okay.....
Reviewed By: Demonicslayer [MediaMiner Member] On: September 14, 2004 17:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
You did okay. I don't want to flame you! I'm toooo nice. But you did do okay. REPOST after you rethink if you want. You can always do that!! ^_^ Peace! GO TREE HUGGERS!** lol
| Title: just some friendly advise!
Reviewed By: smittin kittin [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2004 19:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok sweetie, this is very difficult for me to say, because i think ur a nice kid & I know ur trying your best. (deep breath) First, it takes a lot of courage to post a fic so I aplaud your bravery. I do NOT want you to get discouraged! If anything I hope what I say will inspire you! That said, though I feel the previous reviewer was a bit harsh she made some valid points. People say write what u know because it is always easier to describe things that you have experienced. The reason I think ur having trouble w/this fic is your age & lack of sexual experience. Listen that's NOT a bad thing! Sex seens can be difficult 4 the most experienced of writers, so don't feel bad! I have read horrrible lemon fics by people who I'm certain aren't virgins! Honey listen I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but it would be a good idea if you eliminated actual lemons from your fic & only included limes. Don't feel like hardcore sex is required 4 a great fic. Rozfire writes PG13 fics w/ NO sexual content & they r among my all time favorites! (Dead Famous/Bottled genious) If yo haven't already check them out! Her fics r some of the most popular on this sight! I have read your other fic & found it much more enjoyable. Now think about how ur writing it, In the bginning u say the characters r based on u & ur friends. The flow of that story is much more natural because ur writing from personal experience instead of trying to describe something you can't comprehend. Good lemons set a seen & create a mood they don't just use harsh words & vulger descriptions. In ur other fic because your drawing from your life ur painting a more vivid & interesting picture. I wish there were a nicer way to say this, but there isn't. My last suggestion to u is that u try 2 rewrite this fic w/out the lemon & consentrate on the relationship between Inu & Kag talk about thier feelings & include fluffy goodness. I hope I've been helpful & that u will take my advice! Sweetie u have my e-mail if u want to respond to this either 2 curse me out or ask a question please contact me I don't want u 2 give up on ur stories I just want to help u make them the best they can be! Many suportive Hugs & Kisses Smittin Kittin PS I really hope u e-mail me soon I'd love to hear from u!
| Reviewed By: w_j [MediaMiner Member] On: June 07, 2004 00:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
Please stop inserting author's notes all the time. It is really annoying. Thanks. Also, you need to look up the definition of 'vulva' because you misuse it in your descriptions. The 'vulva' is not the same as the vagina. Quote: "InuYasha went in and out her vulva hitting her G-spot perfectly." End Quote. The vulva is the external genital organs of the female so that description is just wrong. How old are you anyway?
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