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| "Birthday Blues" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] | Reviewed By: DarkAvenger On: April 28, 2005 23:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
I liked it but I have one question. What about the past InuYasha? How can she just leave him there, suffering for 500 years now that she knows? But what happens to the present InuYasha if she did go back to the past InuYasha? Perhaps I am thinking too much, ne? Oh well, nice story, thanks for sharing ~Dark Avenger
| Reviewed By: YasashiiAme [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2004 00:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Eep, I'm seeming to be a bit late on the whole commenting process (and reading). Great work! I'm looking forward to reading some of your other Inuyasha work, if you have have. ^^
| Reviewed By: Darkangel2379 On: August 29, 2004 15:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've read a lot of Inuyasha fanfics, this was one of the best i've read.
| Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 13, 2004 05:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
As for comments to reviewers: I don't agree with how some of what RedHerring said was phrased. He/she could have been a bit more polite. However, he/she made some good points that should be taken into consideration. Mr./Ms. "ffffmpcgopiaa" shouldn't have said what he/she said. It was completely uncalled for. Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinions, and no one can say that they are wrong. Frankly, I praise RedHerring for being one of the few who dare to actually post constructive criticism; it seems like those of us who even try to do so nowadays get our heads bitten off. Despite common belief, reviews aren't just for saying "OMG your story was so great! I loved it!" Reviews are there to do just that: review. They should consist of constructive criticism and anything that might help the author improve. There is always room for improvement, with everyone. I don't claim to have never written a review that holds no constructive criticism; if I said that, I'd be lying through my teeth. However, I try to, every now and then, give some constructive comments. A lot of the time, I won't notice anything I would change, so I won't have anything to give comments on besides how well the story was written, but I try to give any help I can when I think it will help someone improve. Chokoreeto Ame, you have done a good job, and I hope that my comments may help you to do an even better job. And, remember - It's always wise to take comments with a grain of salt.
| Reviewed By: Anata [MediaMiner Member] On: August 13, 2004 05:32 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Alright, I'll start with a review of the fic itself, and then move on to commenting on other reviews. As you said in your author's notes, there were a few rushed bits and they could have used more detail, but, all in all, the lemon was pretty well written. With a bit more practice on detail and pacing (remember, you, as the author, have the right to set your own pace; it's just wise to have the pace fit the situation.) you will be an excellent lemon author. As for the rest of the story, I have to agree with RedHerring on some of his/her comments. If he had truly waited for her for 500 years, he wouldn't be the same Inuyasha. His attitude and personality would most likely be something else entirely. Also, in this you had him acting like a pup. That's not a bad thing were he to have been the Inuyasha of the Sengoku Jidai (everyone can get a little nervous, don't you think?), but he had aged and should have matured within his 500 year wait. Unlike RedHerring, I do think that, if he were truly in love with her, he could wait (although it would be Hell on Earth), but I don't think he would necessarily remain abstinent. Other things concerned me about that: Kagome would most likely be shocked by the fact that he was there and 500 years older. It wouldn't be in her character to just start having sex with him. Admittedly, this is a fanfic, and it is within your rights to do that, but, as a reader, I would have liked a bit more of a reaction from Kagome. (Continued in next review.)
| Reviewed By: Apathy5 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2004 19:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was very enticing. And I was tasteful.
| Reviewed By: ffffmpcgopiaa On: June 07, 2004 20:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
Fuck you redherring you moron. IT DOESN"T HAVE TO MAKE THAT MUCH SENSE WHORE. You fucking imbisile
| Reviewed By: a.p.w.d.n.w.t.b.n. On: June 06, 2004 23:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
that was the sweetest lemon!They r better when dey hv romance lyk that!good job person!RedHerring is annoying.*nods head**good luck tring to figure out what that name stands for!*
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: June 06, 2004 07:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh damn! I didn't mean to post that three times! Sorry! Sorry!
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: June 06, 2004 07:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
First of all, Kagome seemed a bit too eager to run away. She seemed a bit flakey, because she just started crying after a bit of Inuyasha's brash temperament. After being with him for so long, you'd think she knew him better than that. Also, it's very out of character to make Inuyasha cry. //////////// Then, I really don't think that there's an Inuyasha fanfiction writer who can accurately portray a 500 year old Inuyasha. Think about it. Ten years can change a person drastically. An alcoholic, -abusing teen can turn into an upstanding business man/woman with a loving family and spouse. Values change, opinions change, and a person's mentality will change over the years. Not to mention that 500 years is a long time to remember a person. After about fifty, Inuyasha probably wouldn't be able to remember any specifics about Kagome. He'd forget her scent; all the little things that made him love her. By the time she was born, he'd have probably all but forgotten her. Also, 500 years is a long time to wait. Look at it practically. Inuyasha is a male, and a person. People have needs. Do you think that Inuyasha would want to spend 500 years alone, only to end up with a woman who he probably doesn't remember? Not to mention all of that pent up $exual frustration, all for the sake of remaining faithful. Why wouldn't he marry someone else? In fact, you could even consider Inuyasha's personality in 1550 (because that's about the time when the anime takes place) a completely different personality from the Inuyasha of 2004. That's how much Inuyasha would have changed./////////////// But I digress. Lol. My main peeve about this one-shot is how fast Kagome ran away. It didn't even take two paragraphs and she was already jumping down the well. If she loved him, she should have pursued him. Not just run away at the slightest hint of resistance. Resistance that Kagome should have known was just a front. ////////////// Anyway, think out a character's personality and motivation before you write the story. Think about it in the practical sense, too. Not the romantic sense where Inuyasha waits 500 years faithfully for Kagome to be alive and available again so he can be with her. Suffering through the loneliness and the frustration--all for the sake of love.... Please
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2004 23:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
First of all, Kagome seemed a bit too eager to run away. She seemed a bit flakey, because she just started crying after a bit of Inuyasha's brash temperment. After being with him for so long, you'd think she knew him better than that. Also, It's very out of character to make Inuyasha cry.//////////// Then, I really don't think that there's an Inuyasha fanfiction writer who can accruately portray a 500 year old Inuyasha. Think about it. Ten years can change a person drastically. An alcoholic, drug-abusing tean can turn into an upstanding buisness man/woman with a loving family and spouse. Values change, opinions change, and a person's mentality will change over the years. Not to mention that 500 years is a long time to remember a person. After about fifty, Inuyasha probably wouldn't be able to remember any specifics about Kagome. He'd forget her scent, all the little things that made him love her. By the time she was born, he'd have probably all but forgotten her. Also, 500 years is a long time to wait. Look at it practically. Inuyasha is a male, and a person. People have needs. Do you think that Inuyasha would want to spend 500 years alone, only to end up with a woman who he probably doesn't remember? Not to mention all of that pent up $exual frustration, all for the sake of remaining faithful. Why wouldn't he marry someone else? In fact, you could even consider Inuyasha's personality in 1550 (because that's about the time when the anime takes place) a completely different personality from the Inuyasha of 2004. That's how much Inuyasha would have changed./////////////// But I digress. Lol. My main peeve about this one-shot is how fast Kagome ran away. It didn't even take two paragraphs and she was already jumping down the well. If she loved him, she should have persued him. Not just run away at the slightest hint of resistence. Resistence that Kagome should have known was just a front. ////////////// Anyway, think out a character's personality and motivation before you write the story. Think about it in the practical sense, too. Not the romantic sense where Inuyasha waits 500 years faithfully for Kagome to be alive and available again so he can be with her. Suffering through the lonliness and the frustration--all for the sake of love.... Please
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2004 23:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
First of all, Kagome seemed a bit too eager to run away. She seemed a bit flakey, because she just started crying after a bit of Inuyasha's brash temperment. After being with him for so long, you'd think she knew him better than that. Also, It's very out of character to make Inuyasha cry.//////////// Then, I really don't think that there's an Inuyasha fanfiction writer who can accruately portray a 500 year old Inuyasha. Think about it. Ten years can change a person drastically. An alcoholic, drug-abusing tean can turn into an upstanding buisness man/woman with a loving family and spouse. Values change, opinions change, and a person's mentality will change over the years. Not to mention that 500 years is a long time to remember a person. After about fifty, Inuyasha probably wouldn't be able to remember any specifics about Kagome. He'd forget her scent, all the little things that made him love her. By the time she was born, he'd have probably all but forgotten her. Also, 500 years is a long time to wait. Look at it practically. Inuyasha is a male, and a person. People have needs. Do you think that Inuyasha would want to spend 500 years alone, only to end up with a woman who he probably doesn't remember? Not to mention all of that pent up $exual frustration, all for the sake of remaining faithful. Why wouldn't he marry someone else? In fact, you could even consider Inuyasha's personality in 1550 (because that's about the time when the anime takes place) a completely different personality from the Inuyasha of 2004. That's how much Inuyasha would have changed./////////////// But I digress. Lol. My main peeve about this one-shot is how fast Kagome ran away. It didn't even take two paragraphs and she was already jumping down the well. If she loved him, she should have persued him. Not just run away at the slightest hint of resistence. Resistence that Kagome should have known was just a front. ////////////// Anyway, think out a character's personality and motivation before you write the story. Think about it in the practical sense, too. Not the romantic sense where Inuyasha waits 500 years faithfully for Kagome to be alive and available again so he can be with her. Suffering through the lonliness and the frustration--all for the sake of love.... Please
| Title: Great!
Reviewed By: Bri-chan(Peril879) On: June 05, 2004 11:38 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great Fic! You're Inuyasha fics just keeo getting better!
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