Reviewed By: mel_buc [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2005 20:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
Let's see...your grammar and stuff is pretty good, but the story is kind of confusing and the fact that it's mostly dialogue doesn't help. When you've got that many original characters (or big changes to non-original characters) it's good to spend more time setting them up, establishing who's who and what makes them individuals. These characters are probably already full formed individuals in your head, so I know it can be hard to tell when you're not explaining enough to the reader. I also wanted to comment on your little rant about how Belldandy pisses you off. Although you call anyone who does not know what 'Aa! Megami-Sama!' means a 'lame-brainer,' you don't seem to be too familiar with Japanese yourself. Look at a chart of hiragana or katakana. Do you see any V's in there? Nope. When you've got a non-Japanese word with a V in it and you want to express it in katakana, the closest equivalent is a B. Thus Verdandi becomes Be - ru - da - n - di. 'Belldandy' is then a perfectly acceptable romanization of the katakana (you do know that l=r at least, right?). There is no difference to a native Japanese speaker between 'Verdandi' and 'Belldandy' when spoken or written in Japanese. They're not 'getting it wrong,' it's just different (and cuter, I think).
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