Title: how to improve this fic:
Reviewed By: Drake The Duelist On: July 04, 2004 23:46 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Comment/Review:
I hope I wasn't too hard on the grammar rating, it's just that sometimes, it detracts from the story trying to decipher what you're writing. To make up for my harsh criticism, here's a hint for you that I heard a while back that helps me proof my own fics quicker: take out all those excessive author notes. Frankly, I dunno' too much about CCS, (more of a Shaman King guy myself) but I know the basic characters and plot, plus enough Japanese to get by. So logically, your other readers should know even more about what's going on than I do. So you don't need to explain every teensie little thing. If your story follows a particular pattern, what you do is just put a comparrison year on it (eg "two years later...") and let us figure out the rest. I feel obligated to offer a hand b/c when I first started out, my fics were just about as chock full of ANs as your fic. The trick to writing good fics (and shorter ones too) is to take all unnecessary author notes out and leave us to figure out the punctuation. And with fics less filled up with author notes, they don't seem nearly as daunting to proofread. Don't get me wrong, the plot is just fine, it's just that the delivery could stand to be a little more efficient.
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