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| "Bury the Past" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Reviewed By: michew [MediaMiner Member] On: July 24, 2004 13:38 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
oooo this is really cool!!! plz hurry up and finish the next chapter!!! thx!
| Title: I apologize
Reviewed By: Epiphany Under Moonlight [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2004 22:24 CDT
Comment/Review:
I apologize that was ridiculous, if I'd known it was like that on mm. I would have put it on ff., but I know you've said that ff. is bad for you, so I was trying to do a good thing...didn't quite work. Hope this isn't hurting you somehow...
| Title: Here we go again, I hope you're not hating me right now...
Reviewed By: Epiphany Under Moonlight [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2004 22:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
14. {cackles} kill the mean bastard that picked on Ryou, just like that jerk gym teacher, cut his hair! Are you friggin insane!? 15. I'm sorry but I have problems with people typing out the words, "SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEE!", and extending the e's that way, it irks me. No fault of your own but I think there's better ways to do it. 16. At the end I thought maybe you could have added a desciption with the whole inverted speech Bakura gave the loser, you could have said something about how ugly he is or how every person tries to hide their evil on the inside. 17. Bakura's conscience is...strange. It's just like a drunk...Shadi. Yeah. 18. Yeah the play-teasing part was a bit wrong. 19. Nice notes, and I love how he said good night to his yadonoushi. So cute! Well that ends the review, thank you for all your reviews so far there's so much I have to write and give to you it's almots mind-blowing. You are such a nice person to stick with me, I really appreciate it and I luvy you, goodnight for now and now it's on to all the other responses. Argh. Bye for now. Kisses. Epiphany.
| Title: I decided I'd just write it!
Reviewed By: Epiphany Under Moonlight [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2004 22:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
6. But I did adore the story, and the fight scene was not bad at all. It just depends on what kind of violence you were trying to write. There's like six different kinds from what I've read at ff. I like the descriptionate kind myself (I so know that's not a word) where you mostly describe what happened and not what they did. Or...I think that's what I do. Anway again I wuvvled the story. Wuvvled-wuvvled-wuvvled it. Gah, ...I think perhaps that was one too many wuvvle even for me. 7. Poor thieves, this is why we obey the golden rule! If we don't try to rob other people at midnight, then no one (see it's apart) will have to break our arms and knock us unconscious. ...yes, quite. 8. I also like the bit about children and slingshots and the adults that they grow into. Quite poetic, really! 9. Interesting bit about the teenagers and them wanting to destroy everything, feeling a little angsty are we? (wink, wink) 10. Interesting way of spelling son of a bitch, sonuvabitch...I saw that on a T-shirt once. It was something about Italians I believe. 11. I adore the rhyme he sings (yeah like Bakura would really sing anything!) slash...yeah, I think that's so awesome him saying that as he goes through the motions of breaking bones, sending losers to the shadow room, and killing. Just like our disturbing boy! I'm so proud! 12. I think you spelled stupified wrong. 13. Interesting how you let two live...very interesting. 14. {cackles} kill the mean bastard that picked on Ryou, just like th | Title: Well there's a good reason
Reviewed By: Epiphany Under Moonlight [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2004 22:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
The reason I'm doing this is because part of my review was missing...and I hate how it formatted. I don't know whether to write the second half or e-mail it to you...sigh, gah.
| Title: ...What's this all about?
Reviewed By: Epiphany [MediaMiner Member] On: July 12, 2004 22:14 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well here's the review I've been promising you. In all it's long-long-long format. I've tried to be helpful and to compliment and I want you to know first that I enjoyed reading your piece of ficage. It's very good actually, which is something I'm very glad about. From the way your review it sounded like you were the crappiest of the crappy writers. Which is so totally not so. I can't wait to see more of your writing very soon, so okay here goes. 1. I like the title, and I believe the specific chapter title makes a move away from the somber mood. Somber=Bury the Past. More light=Late Night Fun. Course then you read the thing and you see the fun is Bakura being extremely violent so...yeah. 2. I like...how you introduce yourself in the summary, that's quite nice. And always advisable...this is the first story you posted on mm right? Then it's quite wise to introduce yourself, yes, quite. 3. Good use of bold, and italics. Very good, they always add to a story. 4. YOU CENSORED! ...well then...I guess that's okay...censorship is...okay. But NEVER be afraid to blow people away with everything you are 5. Nice descriptions...they're quite good, and I like the way you write. It's quite smooth...this close to being fluid. If there's one thing you might do that needs work it's that somtimes you cut your sentences too short. Some sentences can be combined. Otherwise it's quite awesome. 6. But I did adore the story, and the fight scene was not bad at all. It just depends on what kind of v |
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